Isn’t it time you upgraded your Race Card to a Gay Card?

Comrades, glorious news! You can now upgrade your old, outdated Race Card™ to a Gay Card™! What’s a Gay Card? Why, it’s like the old fashioned Race Card, but on steroids. You see, the venerable Race Card is starting to lose its edge, and white people are becoming less and less prone to bouts of guilt, self-doubt, and introspective soul searching for deep, subconscious, genetically coded racist tendencies. In fact, some white people even laugh off the Race Card when it’s presented. But those days are over!

That’s right, with the new Gay Card you can do anything the old Race Card could do, and more! For example, do you want to use spurious constitutional arguments to insist your rights trump the rights of others? Would you like to demand access to the privately owned property and services of others all the while retaining the right to deny services to those who disagree with you? Are you looking for Victim Status™ even if you happen to have the misfortune of being white?

Well, then, it’s time you upgraded to the powerful new Gay Card!

Use the chart below to compare…

Why settle for this?

When you could have this!

UPDATE FOR PARTY MEMBERS:

Party members should also read the small print – namely, the Useful Idiot Clause in the Terms of Agreement:

This kard shall expire upon kompletion of the the “fundamental transformation” of Amerika. At that time, kard holders shall be subject to penalties, inkluding, but not limited to: discrimination, persekution, imprisonment, torture, forced labor, and death under the laws and direktives enakted and upheld by the Peoples Kongress, the Supreme Soviet, and Komrade Glorious Leader. Do not use this kard while kriticizing Komrade Glorious Leader and other high party officials, as this may decrease your life expectancy. Use at your own risk.

EDITORS NOTE: This column originally appeared on The Peoples Cube.