VIDEO: Al-Aqsa Retirement Plan (AARP) Commercial

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Impending cuts in your social security benefits? Can’t afford erectile dysfunction medicine, Cadillac payments, lottery tickets, trips to Vegas, expanded cable service, gifts to grand kids, and veterinary care for your two dogs and five cats?

Sign up for Al-Aqsa Retirement Plan! Yours shall be an abode with a dome of pearls, aquamarine, and ruby, with 80,000 servants and 72 virgin wives. Can your American social security give you such an abode? Nonsense! You shall be attended by boys graced with eternal youth, looking like sprinkled pearls. And your family shall get 25,000 dollars upon signing.

All you have to do is strap yourself to a comfortable explosive device designed by our experienced professionals, and greet a crowd of infidels in the streets!

Do not reveal your connection to Al-Aqsa Brigades, Hamas, and their associates. We will deny everything. Do not consult your attorney, accountant, or law enforcement. Act normally. Explosives provided by a third party. Results may vary.

EDITORS NOTE: This video originally appeared on The Peoples Cube.