Auschwitz Commandant Outraged Over Mengele Video

Rudolph Hoess, family man and commandant of the Auschwitz-Birkenau concentration camp, has been desperately trying to restore the camp’s reputation after some damaging remarks by one of its doctors, Joseph Mengele, were caught on tape and posted online.

Dr. Mengele, who oversees medical services at the camp, was recorded casually speaking of a girl who was suffering complications as a result of HitlerCare. The girl, Eva Mozes Kor, complained of fever, trembling, and swollen limbs that resulted from a series of five free government-funded injections. Mengele is seen on the tape laughing off the matter saying, “Too bad she is so young. She has only two weeks to live.”

To Hoess, such behavior is unacceptable. “I want to be clear,” said Hoess, “that I find the tone of Dr. Mengele’s remarks inappropriate, and that he has been properly reprimanded. Furthermore, I wish to emphasize that nobody on the staff at this concentration camp in any way profits from the clothing, valuables, cash, and gold fillings that are reallocated from our guests. While some evidence, which was tragically burned, may have indicated an occasional impropriety, we nevertheless pride ourselves in offering compassionate care at this facility, no matter what.”

Hoess did not become visibly angry until he was asked what he thought of the video that showed Mengele carrying out medical experiments on unwilling humans.

“It makes my blood boil!” the commandant stated to reporters. “The treachery! The deceit in the underhanded way that sound bite was secretly filmed and subjected to selective editing! And don’t even get me started on the selective editing! I am utterly sickened by how low some people will stoop to get an unfavorable sounding comment from one of our most qualified physicians. However, this was not a government-approved media source. The film was not screened by the Ministry of Culture and thus it may be disregarded as invalid Allied propaganda, probably funded by the Jews. Besides, this is the sort of filming only the Gestapo is permitted to do.”

When asked about what changes may result from the possible fallout of the video, Hoess seemed unconcerned. “It will blow over, and we will proceed with our plans for tonight’s gala. We have made an exception to our non-Allied guest policy, and I look forward to personally presenting that admirable American, Margaret Sanger, with the Himmler Award. What she wants to do in America is pretty much what we’re also trying to accomplish in Europe. Maybe we can offer her a job,” added Hoess with a playful wink.

As predicted, the incident received little coverage in Nazi-controlled media, which has been focused mostly on the recent ban of flying the Bavarian flag over the capitol building in Munich.