ISIS publishes ’12 Rules for Mohammedans’ launches #TakeaSelfieforAllah Campaign

The Islamic State has, in partnership with Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and LinkedIn, set guidelines for members of the Muslim community (ummah) to use when engaged in social media activities.

The Islamic State has adopted 12 Rules for Mohammedans. When a reporter noted that some find the rules eerily similar to those used by the followers of Saul Alinsky.  An Islamic State spokesman retorted, “The faithful must follow the 12 Rules for Mohammedans” he said in order to “bring peace to the world. We categorically deny any connection to Alinsky’s Rules for Radicals. The prophet Mohammed, may peace be upon him, created the 12 Rules for Mohammedans. They are in the Qur’an.”

RULE 1: “Power is not only what you have, but what the infidel thinks you have.”
RULE 2: “Never go outside the expertise of your fellow Mohammedans.”
RULE 3: “Whenever possible, go outside the expertise of the infidel.”
RULE 4: “Make the infidels live up to their own book of rules.”
RULE 5: “Ridicule is a Muslim’s most potent weapon.”
RULE 6: “A good tactic is one the Muslim people enjoy.”
RULE 7: “A tactic that drags on too long (i.e. beheadings) becomes a drag.”
RULE 8: “Keep the pressure on the infidel. Mohammedans never let up.”
RULE 9: “The threat of slaughter is usually more terrifying than the slaughter itself.”
RULE 10: “If you push a negative (e.g. Islamophobia) hard enough, it will push through and become a positive.”
RULE 11: “The price of a successful Mohammedans attack is a constructive alternative.”
RULE 12: Pick the infidel target, freeze it, personalize it, and polarize it.”

With these 12 Rules for Mohammedans the Islamic State is taking social media to the next level. The Islamic State spokesman stated, “If you think social media was just for infidels, think again. It’s now the next best thing to 72 virgins.”

#TakeaSelfieforAllah

The official Islamic State al-Ḥayāt Media Center has issued a notice to all followers of Mohammed:

The khalifa (religious state leader) of the Islamic State wishes that all Muslims use social media to conduct a holy war (jihad) against the non-believers (infidels). We have asked our brothers and sisters worldwide to spread the true message of Mohammed, may peace be upon him.

Take a selfie for Allah. Share it with your fellow jihadis on Facebook and Instagram.

Better yet take a selfie of yourself beheading an infidel and send it to #TakeaSelfieforAllah Twitter account. The follower of Mohammed who submits the best selfie of the month will get a free one way ticket to Syria, via Chicago O’Hare International Airport.

Do not worry as the great Satan TSA will place you at the head of the line and give you first class treatment. Why? Because the soldiers of Allah have fully infiltrated the American airport security system as we have in Europe.

Disclaimer: Please note that your one way flight may not actually land, especially if you are flying EgyptAir.

Facebook founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg in a press release noted:

I believe that the Islamic State is practicing the religion of piece. A piece of Syria, Iraq, Afghanistan and most of the Maghreb (North Africa).

As the Islamic State spreads across Africa, the Middle East, Europe and is now coming to America, not the movie starring Eddie Murphy, we must embrace the inevitability of living under the New World Order, a.k.a. a Caliphate.

Facebook has decided that any posts which are anti-Muslim, anti-Islam or anti-Hillary will be blocked permanently. This is to insure fairness and prevent the truth from being heard by the unwashed masses, a.k.a. Christians, Jews, Conservatives, TEA Party members and those who do not follow Mohammed, may peace be upon him.

President Obama #TakeaSelfieforAllah submission.

President Obama noted during his trip to apologize for bombing Hiroshima, “We need a moral revolution. Social media is a great place to start. I am pleased that many of the major social media websites are embracing Mohammedans and the religion of peace. It is time to reset ourselves and apologize for America’s participation in the crusades.”

When a White House reporter noted that America did not exist during the crusades, Obama responded with, “Whatever.”

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire originally appeared in Selfie Magazine.

Winner of 2015 Ramadan selfie photo contest.

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