White House: Improvised Explosive Devices will now be called ‘Narratives’ – Trump responds

On CNN discussing the multiple Improvised Explosive Devices (IEDs) left by Ahmad Khan Rahami in Chelsea, New York and at a New Jersey train station, White House press secretary Josh Earnest stated that America is in a ‘narrative battle’ with the Islamic State (ISIS). In the video below Earnest states, “In some ways, this is just a War of Narratives.”

Since this CNN interview the FBI has changed the Bombing Tip Line to the Narrative Tip Line.

Earnest went on to say that from now on all U.S. government agencies will call IEDs “narratives” and he asked that the press follow suit. To use the words terrorist, Muslim, Allah, Islamic State, jihad, Islam or IED are considered to be Xenophobic, racist and Islamophobic. CNN, MSNBC, ABC, PBS, CSPAN and Fox News have all changed their style manuals to reflect the White House request to use the gender neutral term “narrative.”

President Obama, at a Rose Garden press conference after the discovery of multiple “narratives” in New York and New Jersey, declared America is now engaged in a Great War On Narrative (GWON). President Obama stated:

Our hearts go out to the 29 people injured by a narrative in the Chelsea district in New York. However, we must not fall into the trap of calling the perpetrator a Muslim or follower of Mohammed.

I have directed that the FBI refer to him as a narratist. Our fight is not against the religion of peace, rather it is against the narratist who planted multiple narratives in New York and New Jersey.

If you see a narrative call the FBI tip line 1-800-NARRATIVE.

terrorist-bomb-explosive

The latest versions of Islamic State narratives on display. Image: NaturalNews.com

The Islamic State’s ‘Amaq News Agency welcomed leader of the Great Satan President Obama’s effort to  re-brand the narrative. In a press release an Islamic State spokesman noted:

We have fought a long battle against those who have invaded our lands. We will continue to plant narratives so long as our Soldiers of Narrative have a breath left in their bodies. Narrative is the new normal.

We applaud the Soldier of Narrative Ahmed Kahn Rahami, who planted multiple narratives in the land of the Great Satan, in order to strike at the heart of the narrative.

Allah Narrative!

Hillary Clinton from her hospital bed endorsed President Obama’s effort to end the Alt-Right’s use of racist terms like Muslim terrorist and radical Islam. Hillary, after a definitive cough, said, “Off with the Alt-Right’s deplorable racist and Islamophobic attacks against the narratives. We stand with the narratives of the world. Narratives Unite!”

The Donald Trump campaign, after being chastised by the media for using the word bombings, released a short statement, “Mr. Trump doesn’t do narratives. We call a dumb bomb a dumb bomb, no reference to Hillary. If it goes boom its a bomb. Any Questions?”

RELATED ARTICLE: White House: U.S. Is in a ‘Narrative Fight’ With ISIS

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire originally appeared in What’s Your Narrative Magazine.

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