Clinton joins Stein in recount of Castro’s vital statistics

November 26, 2016 – Less than 24 hours after learning about the tragic and untimely death of progressive icon Fidel Castro, Hillary Clinton’s campaign said on Saturday it would be joining Green Party candidate Jill Stein in a recount of the former Cuban leader’s vital statistics.

Marc Elias, the Clinton team’s general counsel, said the campaign would take part in the Havana recount being led by Jill Stein. He added, “Now that a recount has been initiated in Havana, we intend to participate in order to ensure the vitals analysis process proceeds in a manner that is fair to Mr. Castro and the Cuban people.”

Mr. Elias continued: “Since learning of Mr. Castro’s death, we have had lawyers and data scientists and analysts combing over the vitals to spot anomalies that would suggest Fidel is still alive.”

Angry and violent protests have ensued in Democrat-leaning cities across America since news of Castro’s demise went public. #CastroLivesMatter activists have taken to the streets in outrage over concerns that political executions and free speech violations will soon be ending in one of the world’s most iconic and longest surviving people’s utopias.

Hopes of overturning the vital statistics remains high among social justice warriors.

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire by El Presidente first appeared on The Peoples Cube.

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