starbucks isis

Starbucks plastered with ‘Starburka’ Stickers — Putin, Syria’s Assad and ISIS respond

Bare and Naked Islam blog reported that Starbucks stores in Madrid were made over with stickers that showed the female figure at the center of the company logo as a burka-clad woman:

“All the Starbucks branches in Madrid have been redubbed ‘STARBURKA REFUGEES’ in a mass sticker protest action against that company’s decision to employ 10,000 Muslim invaders posing as refugees—while unemployment in Spain is over 20 percent.

“The protest action, carried out by Spanish nationalist activists Hogar Social Madrid (HSM), saw activists print up ultra-sticky full size stickers to replace existing store signage, made up in imitation of the Starbucks logo, and plaster the company’s branches throughout the city overnight.

“A statement released by HSM on their Facebook page said that the action had been carried out to ‘protest the recruitment by the Starbucks chain of 10,000 refugees, while in Spain, unemployment is over 20 percent.’

Syrian President Bashir Assad, in an interview with Yahoo News, said that there are “definitely” terrorists among the refugees fleeing his nation’s civil war. Evidence of this claim, Assad said, is easily found on the internet. You can get a hot internet connection at Starbucks, no pun intended.

A close confidant of Russian President Vladimir Putin, who requested anonymity noted:

While our operatives in the U.S. Congress are investigating our hacking of the recent elections and interaction with the Trump administration, President Putin has stationed our ships off of America’s shores.

We are monitoring communications between members of the Democratic National Committee (DNC), members of Congress and employees of Starbucks, who we suspect of being radical Islamic terrorists. We are concerned there is a plot to undermine President Trump by bugging lattes and providing them to members of the Trump White House. These bugged grande cups are the source of leaks about conversations held by President Trump and former national security adviser Flynn with our ambassador.

Our security forces are taking these breaches of national security seriously. Our operatives in the DNC will get to the bottom of the cup, no pun intended.

Al Hayat Media Center, the media wing of ISIS in a press release states:

We are pleased that Starbucks is hiring our soldiers of Allah. God willing they will receive full pay and benefits, including Obamacare coverage.

This is a welcome income source so that our followers may support the cause by donating a part of their salaries to continue the fight against the infidels and America, the great Satan.

Our soldiers will be placing an extra ingredient into the coffees of those non-Muslims visiting Starbucks world wide. We call it the Allah Akbar surprise, or Muslim mocha madness.

Unconfirmed reports from the Hillary supporters in the CIA, FBI and Department of Homeland Security indicate that the Trump administration is contemplating designating Starbucks a terrorist organization.

EDITORS NOTE: This fake news political satire originally appeared in Roast’em Magazine.

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