Trump sells Vatican to Pope Francis for 2.5 million

The world’s best known dealmaker-turned-president showed that when it comes to real estate, nobody out-negotiates the Trumpster.

The president met briefly with Pope Francis, whom Trump described as a “…very, very nice man. Very hospitable,” before agreeing on a price for the Vatican.

Subjects discussed by the two leaders included the environment, world peace, religious tolerance, and property values.

“After a little going back and forth, I finally asked His Holiness what he wanted for the Vatican. He made an offer, but you know how deals are, he started low and I started high,” Trump told the accredited media shortly afterwards.

“At one point, I said, ‘Look, I know you work hard and don’t have a lot of money, so I’m willing to include the Sistine Chapel.’ Well that brought him around and we settled on 2.5 million. Not a bad deal at all. And that chapel, it was painted by a very, very talented artist. I told Ivanka, ‘Hey, find this Michelangelo guy and have him do the White House.’ You know, Melania thinks the place needs a makeover, and I think she’s right,” the president said.

“I couldn’t be happier,” said a delighted Pope Francis. “All my predecessors were only exalted guests here, but now I own the place. Not bad for a poor kid from Argentina who used to work as a bouncer.”

The pope also hinted that he may revise his views of capitalism. “This was an eye-opener for me. If we allow people to profit from their labors, maybe together we can make the Vatican great again.”

The two men shook hands on the deal and fielded questions from reporters about how the recent efforts at reconciliation between the Catholic and Orthodox faiths might have influenced the outcome of last year’s election.

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire by Komissar al-Blogunov originally appeared on The Peoples Cube.

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