Science comes to march in lockstep for Earth Progress!

As the world community senses the looming destruction of our planet by Trump’s imperial knowledge-rejecting regime, scientists all over the globe stand up and say No pasaran!

On April 22, and the battle cry of Earth Day resounding through the canyons of our metropoles, Science will march in the front row!


(all pics in this report show Science March rehearsals ongoing now all over the world.)Female-gendered scientists designed a Brainy-hat, and keenly knit it during breaks in rehearsals :

Collectives of scientists in all basic research disciplines announced elaborate programs of historically unprecedented sophistication, aimed to finally establish Environmental Justice for Gaia.

Physicists – Relentlessly Smash Inequality of Atoms!

Everybody knows: each atom has a Z (zhe Atomzahl aka proton number). That Z varies wildly: for hydrogen (evil!) it’s 1, for oxygen (People’s Element!) it’s 8, for gold (bankers!) it’s 79. That’s a scandalous inequality.

And so, the Gaia Program in Physics is: Make all atoms equal! Redistribute protons, and make all atoms have a common, universal Z. Say, Z = 59. This is a monumental effort, given that there are really many, many atoms. Spare particles – protons, electrons etc. – freed from liberated atoms will be used as clean energy fuel.

Physicists present models of proton-wise equalized atoms.

NOTE. FBI started an investigation into the origins of protonic atom inequality. All traces lead to… RUSSIA! The evidence so far points to an individual with a suspicious name – Mendeleyev. Zionist?

Chemists – Boldly create New Matter out of Equalized Atoms!

As atom-equalized matter will soon bubble up in retorts, fascinating questions arise. Will water (H2O) become gooey? Will iron (Fe) be gaseous? Finally, will equalized gold (Au) be simply made from equalized stones (St)?

Chemists proudly present an equalized atom in Science March.

New Matter in a peaceful laboratory flask, with proletariat watching.

Even more contentious, the Gaia Program in Chemistry demands a protonic exception: Carbon (C) to be stripped of protons altogether! This is the direct way to boldly decarbonize our Planet.

Chemical activists for de-protonizing Carbon (and thusly decarbonizing Gaia).

    Mystery item No. 1

Mathematicians – Progressive Gender-Awareness NOW!

Mathematics is extremely gender offensive. One single blob of genderific macroaggression.
This is aggressively explicit when doing Math in Romance languages (le/la, il/la, der/die/das).

See German:

der Punkt – (he) point ; die Linie – (she) line ; das Dreieck – (it) triangle.

Gender is pressed on any mathematical object, leaving no room at all for self-determination.

And it’s not just Romance languages – the Slavic ones have it too, implicitly.

Say, Russian:
(она) точка – (she) point ; (оно) пространство – (it) space ; (он) треугольник – (he) triangle.
Or this: (он) куб – (he) cube ; (она) вершина – (she) vertex ; (оно) ребро – (it) edge.

All research must be immediately stopped! The struggle must focus on total language revolution!
Only after the victory in that battle can gender-autonomy return to now victimized Math objects!

Mathematicians in Science March, expressing their resolve for Math Gender Revolution.

Climatists – Seize the Rudder in the Glorious March of Science!

The world collective of marching science decided (to be announced on April 22) the following:

1) The Queen of All Sciences is no longer Math, it is Climatism.
2) Climatism is administered, supervised, and directed by UN/IPCC.
3) UN/IPCC defines its innermost core UN/IPCC/IMC (abbrev. IMC).
4) What Climatism is, is – at any time – predetermined by IMC, the innermost core.
5) Who a Climate Scientist is, is defined by IMC’s rigorous Axiomatic Recursive Model, as follows:

A1. Members of IMC are Climate Scientists.
A2. Anyone deemed by a troika of Climate Scientists a Climate Scientist, is a Climate Scientist.

Corollary.

Whoever, in absence of a promoting troika (see A2), claims to be a “Climate Scientist”,
is thereby a scientophobic white supremacist contra-gendered Nazi denier (and RRRAAAAAcist!).See gloriously turgid Science Marches all over the Globe on April 22, The Gaia Day!

SCIENTISTS OF THE WORLD – UNITE!

RESIST WE MUCH!

MARCH FOR GAIA! MARCH FOR FUTURE!
MARCH FOR PROGRESS!

And unscientific denier Nazis will get a treatment they richly deserve :

EDITORS NOTE: This scientific political satire by Genosse Dummkopf originally appeared on The Peoples Cube.

MUSIC VIDEO: Hillary Clinton & James Comey sing ‘What Difference Does It Make?’

Hillary Clinton’s use of a personal email server while serving as Secretary of State is not only an enduring political scandal, it’s also a new hit song.

Performed by Hillary Clinton and FBI Director James Comey, this soulful tune tells the story of one woman and her ability to transcend the traditional confines of U.S. law.

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire video by SocialistMop originally appeared on YouTube and Roiling America magazine.

Poor Me Magazine #4: Trump-Comey edition

Poor Me is a magazine dedicated to people who see themselves as victims. Read the new Trump-Comey edition – their thickest issue to date.

Challenges of being a drama queen in the age of Trump. Experts: “Competition is fierce.”

IN THIS ISSUE:

  • March against fascism ends with 400,000 fewer deaths than expected
  • Hillary to victims: “poison the wells, scorch the earth”
  • Kathy Griffin: From woke to broke in one easy step
  • Top 10 methods to make the world feel guilty and apologize
  • LeBron James needs a day without white people: “No matter how much money I have, I’m still as paranoid as a homeless drug addict”
  • Is everything Trump’s fault? Ask an expert!

EXCLUSIVE – Closed session: Comey, 56, demonstrates on doll where he feared Trump was going to touch him

Covfefe from Black Rifle Coffee Company.

The Next Big Thing: COVFEFE

Get a free lifetime subscription courtesy of the Deep State.

Previous issues:

EDITORS NOTE:This political satire by Red Square originally appeared on The Peoples Cube.

CNN — We don’t report the news, we fabricate it

Our reliable sources place 17-year old Donald J. Trump on the grassy knoll in Dallas on November 22nd, 1963 the day JFK was killed. Trump was seen speaking with a group of Russian cosmonauts and two Martians just before the fatal shots were fired.

See the recently released FBI image of the grassy knoll (right).

Congress is planning to appoint an unbiased special prosecutor, the Reverend Jesse Jackson, to investigate this report from unnamed sources close to John Podesta and Hillary Clinton.

Republican senators John McCain and Lindsey Graham and Democrat Charles “Our Man Chuck” Schumer have solidly verified this story in a nude seance utilizing Ouija board and the blood of two roosters.

In a related story, broken by The Washington Post and corroborated by the New York Times, Trump was seen running from Ford’s theater on the night President Lincoln was assassinated. Trump was reportedly accompanied by two Russian diplomats and the editor of National Lampoon magazine. An attempt was made to confirm this with John Wilkes Booth, but unfortunately CNN’s chief seance reporter was unable to fully confirm this report, but we ran it anyway. However, CNN’s chief seance reporter noted, “An unnamed spirit said to us that it’s Trump so it must be true.”

The totally unbiased FBI, deep state and Media Matters are investigating the Trump-Russia-Lincoln link. A joint statement released moments ago by the FBI and Media Matters included,

“We are leaving no stone upturned. We are currently combing through Mrs. Lincoln’s laptop and checking surveillance footage from the theater cameras that most of the public never knew existed, but we created…uh, discovered them. We ARE going to railroad Trump…I mean find the culprit through modern investigative techniques…”

Mr. Trump is also being mentioned in connection with the killing of Bambi’s mom, the expansion of global warming, and the sinking of the Titanic. These are ongoing investigations, as the evidence is still being manufactured by our news staff, which includes Al Gore, comedian Kathy Griffin, Monica Lewinsky and former U.S. Attorney General Loretta Lynch.

Stay tuned.

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire first appeared on CNN, MSNBC, ABC, CBS and PBS.

VIDEO: What happens when you ask a gun owner if he brought protection?

Black Rifle Coffee Company teamed up with Matt Best from Article 15 Clothing to make a video about what happens when you ask a gun owner if he brought protection.

Both Black Rifle Coffee Company and Article 15 Clothing are veteran owned and operated businesses.

This is a must watch video. Enjoy!

Matt Best is a former U.S. Army Ranger turned online video satirist.

Trump sells Vatican to Pope Francis for 2.5 million

The world’s best known dealmaker-turned-president showed that when it comes to real estate, nobody out-negotiates the Trumpster.

The president met briefly with Pope Francis, whom Trump described as a “…very, very nice man. Very hospitable,” before agreeing on a price for the Vatican.

Subjects discussed by the two leaders included the environment, world peace, religious tolerance, and property values.

“After a little going back and forth, I finally asked His Holiness what he wanted for the Vatican. He made an offer, but you know how deals are, he started low and I started high,” Trump told the accredited media shortly afterwards.

“At one point, I said, ‘Look, I know you work hard and don’t have a lot of money, so I’m willing to include the Sistine Chapel.’ Well that brought him around and we settled on 2.5 million. Not a bad deal at all. And that chapel, it was painted by a very, very talented artist. I told Ivanka, ‘Hey, find this Michelangelo guy and have him do the White House.’ You know, Melania thinks the place needs a makeover, and I think she’s right,” the president said.

“I couldn’t be happier,” said a delighted Pope Francis. “All my predecessors were only exalted guests here, but now I own the place. Not bad for a poor kid from Argentina who used to work as a bouncer.”

The pope also hinted that he may revise his views of capitalism. “This was an eye-opener for me. If we allow people to profit from their labors, maybe together we can make the Vatican great again.”

The two men shook hands on the deal and fielded questions from reporters about how the recent efforts at reconciliation between the Catholic and Orthodox faiths might have influenced the outcome of last year’s election.

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire by Komissar al-Blogunov originally appeared on The Peoples Cube.

WANTED: Anonymous sources – exciting new career opportunity!

Do you hate Donald Trump?

Is your lifelong dream to destroy his presidency? Do you live for nothing else these days?

Are you looking for a flexible job that requires little effort while allowing you to be as outrageous as you want? Do you enjoy throwing stuff at the wall and watching it slide down to the floor leaving a trail of slime?

Then mainstream media outlets, especially the New York Times and Washington Post, would like to offer you a position as an ANONYMOUS SOURCE!

Choose from a wide variety of openings in this exciting and dynamic new career field, with glamorous job titles ranging from Russian diplomat to one of James Comey’s third grade classmates. Or just be an anonymous source who confirms information provided by another anonymous source. You don’t even have to see it to confirm it.

All you have to do is conjure up something unfavorable to Trump and phone it in to the mainstream media’s Get Trump Hotline. Anything goes—and don’t worry about pesky little things like facts or logic. The MSM will take care of repeating your revelations ad nauseam until they are hammered into stone as irrefutable facts, after which no one will care about logic.

No training required. No experience necessary. You don’t even have to fill out an application or get all dressed up for an interview. Just pick up the phone and call with whatever dirt you can fling at Trump, and NYT and WaPo will do the rest. It’s just that easy!

Best of all, you can do it without ever having to leave the comfort of your parents’ basement! Operators are standing by, so call their Get Trump Hotline now—and get Trump!

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire from Commissarka Pinkie originally appeared on The Peoples Cube.

Macron pledges to redistribute EU terror attacks fairly

French Prime Minister Emmanuel Macron has proposed a new initiative, the “Fair Redistribution of Terror in Europe Program.”

“It is unfair that France and other enlightened and generous nations, who open their borders and welcome Muslim refugees, must suffer the most from Islamic terrorism,” Macron said at a campaign rally on Monday. “Being a fair-minded person, I am both saddened and outraged that less enlightened nations, especially Poland, who close their borders to Muslim migrants, get to enjoy terror-free existence. It just doesn’t make sense.”

Macron promised to use all his power and influence as Prime Minister to ensure that Islamic terrorism in Europe is distributed more equitably. “This means Poland will be forced to absorb more of the terror attacks on European soil because that is what enlightened nations do,” he said.

Asked how his powers as PM would help to turn his ideas into reality, the suave, devastatingly handsome Macron reminded everyone that France is not America whose government must abide by outdated constitutional limitations. “Americans may brag about their freedom, but it is, in fact, our government that has a lot more freedom to do what’s necessary in any given political situation,” said Macron.

“In this sense, France is part of a broader community of progressive nations, the European Union, where we believe that every member must shoulder certain burdens in proportion to their geographic sizes and populations,” he said. “Being that Poland is a nation of considerable size, I will work with the EU to ensure that the Poles endure terrorist attacks and cultural subversion in exact proportion to their territory – not more and not less – which is only fair. And that begins by opening their borders and allowing in a proportionate quota of refugees from known cauldrons of Islamic terrorism. I can put their minds at ease with my personal guarantee that these quotas will be carefully calculated by highly qualified professionals in Brussels.”

More on this breaking story as it develops.

Special reporting by Jon Faux-Ote

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire by Red Square originally appeared on The Peoples Cube.

Libertarian Jesus Memes Lampoon Leftists by Daniel J. Mitchell

It’s time to make a very serious point, albeit with a bit of humor and sarcasm.

A couple of years ago, I shared an image of Libertarian Jesus to make the point that it’s absurd to equate compassion and virtue with government-coerced redistribution.

We all can agree – at least I hope – that it is admirable to help the less fortunate with our own time and/or money. Indeed, I’m proud that Americans are much more likely to be genuinely generous than people from other countries (and it’s also worth noting that people from conservative states are more generous than people from leftist states).

But some of our statist friends go awry when they think it’s also noble and selfless to support higher tax rates and bigger government. How is it compassionate, I ask them, to forcibly give away someone else’s money? Especially when those policies actually undermine progress in the fight against poverty!

With this in mind, here’s another great example of Libertarian Jesus (h/t: Reddit).

Amen (pun intended), I’m going to add this to my collection of libertarian humor.

But don’t overlook the serious part of the message. As Cal Thomas succinctly explained, it’s hardly a display of religious devotion when you use coercion to spend other people’s money.

This is why I’ve been critical of Pope Francis. His heart may be in the right place, but he’s misguided about the policies that actually help the less fortunate.

For what it’s worth, it would be helpful if he was guided by the moral wisdom of Walter Williams rather than the destructive statism of Juan Peron.

P.S. I’m rather amused that socialists, when looking for Christmas-themed heroes, could only identify people who practice non-coercive generosity.

P.P.S. On a separate topic, Al Gore blames climate change for Brexit.

Brexit was caused in part by climate change, former US Vice-President Al Gore has said, warning that extreme weather is creating political instability “the world will find extremely difficult to deal with.”

I’m beginning to lose track and get confused. Our statist friends have told us that climate change causes AIDS and terrorism, which are bad things. But now they’re telling us climate change caused Brexit, which is a good thing.

Maybe the real lesson is that Al Gore and his friends are crackpots.

Republished from International Liberty.

Daniel J. Mitchell

Daniel J. Mitchell

Daniel J. Mitchell

Daniel J. Mitchell is a senior fellow at the Cato Institute who specializes in fiscal policy, particularly tax reform, international tax competition, and the economic burden of government spending. He also serves on the editorial board of the Cayman Financial Review.

Confused about European candidates? Not anymore!

man confusedConfused about which European candidates to support from this side of the pond? Well, clarity begins here with al-Blogunov’s People’s Patented Euro-candidate Filter™. You’ll know in a jiffy whether you’re cheering a good ‘un or a bad ‘un.

Just plug in your favorite candidate’s views on major issues, and voila! the answer in milliseconds.

Does the candidate believe that his/her country should subjugate itself economically to a massive bureaucracy, and open its borders to huge numbers of violent, unvetted immigrants?

man i get itIf yes, then your candidate is “reasonable.”

Does the candidate believe that his/her country should have a degree of economic sovereignty, and that it should protect its citizens by carefully vetting immigrants?

If yes, then your candidate is an “extreme, right-wing Nazi.”*

See how easy it is to use? Order now while supplies last, and get a free burka for that special someone**.

macron german

EndNotes:

*Please ignore the fact that “Nazi” stands for “national socialism.”

**Offer oddly void in France if used for beachwear.

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Biden confused, believes he’s campaigning in ‘OIHO’

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire by Komissar al-Blogunov originally appeared on The Peoples Cube.

Democrats introduce the Americans with No Abilities Act (ANAA)

mediocrityDemocrats in the U.S. House of Representatives and Senate are considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many more Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills and ambition. In other words college graduates living at home.

“Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,” said California Sen. Barbara Boxer. “We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.”

In a Capitol Hill press conference, Nancy Pelosi pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons with No Ability (63 percent according to a recent PU poll).

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility (e.g. Congressional staffers), thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability (POI) into middle-management positions, and give a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the Americans With No Abilities Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, “Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job? Do you have a college degree is social sciences? Have you attended an anti-Trump rally?”

“As a non-abled person, I can’t be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,” said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Mich., due to her inability to remember “righty tighty, lefty loosey-goosey”. “This new law should be real good for people like me. I’ll finally have job security.” With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Sen. Dick Durbin, II: “As a senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so.”

This message was approved by Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Diane Feinstein, Barbara Boxer, Maxine (WaWa) Waters and Nancy Pelosi. All of whom would qualify for ANAA benefits.

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire originally appeared in the American Mediocrity Association journal WorthlessHat tip to Al and Jim.

We have ten years to save the planet

In 1988 we told the world that “We only have ten years left to save the planet.”

In 1989, our wonderful comrades at the United [in Marxism] Nations decreed the same thing.

Then during the 2000 election season our Holy Prophet Who Has Never Been Wrong, Al Gorski (Muslim name: al-goreeza) issued a fatwa that we only had ten years left to save the planet.

Nobody listened. George Bush [spit, spit] won stole the election and the planet’s environmental destruction continued.

So, in 2006, Prophet al-goreeza issued another fatwa: we only had until last year (i.e., ten years for those of you who’ve had the Jiffy Lobo) to save the planet.

And now, we are issuing the decree once more:

Climate Scientists Spread Panic: ‘Ten Years’ to Save the Earth

It’s a good thing that the Sheeple have short memories. They might accuse us of “crying Wolf” or something.

RELATED ARTICLE: Here’s How Wrong Past Environmental Predictions Have Been

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire by Mikhail Lysenkomann originally appeared on The Peoples Cube.

CIA hires United Airlines to forcibly remove Assad and Kim Jong-un

There have been two recent events widely reported in the media of an Asian looking man and a married couple removed by United Airlines “employees.”

But were these employees actually working for United Airlines?

An unnamed source, close to CNN, believes that these two incidents were actually covert training exercises. The employees were CIA operatives wearing United Airlines uniforms. The training was authorized to test techniques to forcibly remove those high value individuals targeted by the agency. Currently, the top CIA targets, aside from President Trump, are Kim Jong-un, an Asian,  Bashar al-Assad, the Syrian president, and his wife Asma.

The unnamed CNN source noted, “Doesn’t is seem peculiar that these two incidents happened as the Trump administration is taking military action against North Korea and Syria? What else does one need to connect-the-dots? This is the mother of all bummers!”

us security cartoonThe CIA was contacted to determine if these incidents were covert training operations. A spokesman for the agency stated,

We do not comment on ongoing operations. However, you can expect us to leak more information about President Trump and unmask his closest friends and family members, including his son Barron’s nine-week-old adopted puppy named Patton.

After all we must all fly united!

Sean Spicer was asked at a White House press briefing by an unnamed CNN reporter, “When will the President release his income tax records? Does the President own any United Airlines stock?” Spicer responded, “The President does not fly United. Rather he uses Air Force One for all of his trips to Mar-a-Lago.”

It is rumored that Wikileaks will be releasing damning emails from Hillary Clinton’s secret server between the former Democratic candidate and Jeff Smisek, President and CEO of United Airlines.

According to unnamed CNN, ABC and MSNBC sources Smisek offered Mrs. Clinton the position of public relations director for the airlines. Smisek notes, “Hillary is a master at passing the blame.”

A spokesperson, who is actually a woman, replied, “Mrs. Clinton, while out of the woods, has her hands full planning her 2020 presidential campaign.”

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire first appeared in Flying United magazine.

BurqaBarn: Dress Your Woman in Style!

By Tamil Mohammar Ramadan.

Hello my friends! How many times have you caught one of your women bandying about without its burqa? How many times has an insolent female flashed her ankle by “accident”? Has this caused you humiliation and pain requiring whipping? Have you been forced, through no fault of your own, to resort to honor killing? Isn’t it time you stopped wasting perfectly good woman flesh and invested in a foolproof coverage system for your females?

Now, BurqaBarn, in conjunction with Citywide Waste Management, has a solution for you!

The new “BurqaBag” is guaranteed to keep any female properly attired and is triple-ply tough.

Just place the non-male into one of our bags and engage the cinch-top mechanism. Do not worry about air supply – our studies show there is at least two hours of air available.

The BurqaBag is currently available in basic black, with the wheeled carrying case sold separately.

While these products may seem expensive and decadent, remember the last loss from your herd, then purchase our product!

 


Dress your women in smart BurqaBags
and take them to the woods for a family picnic…


…and let them enjoy the sun


Fashionable BurqaBags allow your females safely
to attend sports events and mingle with others
in the women-only areas


Women can even engage in athletics themselves:
this pleasing pyramid features the famous team
of non-male Baluhistan Acrobats!


Man’s wives faithfully waiting for him at the bus stop

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by Groupthink first appeared on The Peoples Cube.

Introducing The People’s Current Truth App!

Life is complicated these days, and there’s just so much outrage to absorb your time. You may be like many Americans, and just not sure what you should be outraged about and which side to pick.

But wait no longer! Simply download the free People’s Current Truth App™ and you’ll be officially in the know. Whether it’s Cecil, Harambe, Bush, or Trump, you’ll receive timely updates with clear instructions on…

  1. What to be angry about!
  2. Which side to choose!
  3. When to choose the other side!
  4. How to vent your righteous anger!
  5. Where to go for t-shirts and matching placards!
  6. And more!

Current Truth App 2.jpg

The People’s Current Truth App™ requires some permissions

· Location
· Pictures
· Texts
· Social Security number
· Bank account
· Access to all other financial assets
· Access to all social media
· 24/7 tracking and surveillance
· Frontal lobe access
· Block inappropriate reading, viewing, and unapproved historical material

So, what are you waiting for? Know what to think and what to do – download your People’s Current Truth App™ today!

RELATED ARTICLE: Liberals Aren’t Liking This Newly-Discovered Photo of the 1924 Democratic Convention

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire by Komissar al-Blogunov originally appeared on The Peoples Cube.