Texas Professor Trades Geography for Drama to Protest Campus Carry in the Lone Star State

According to a recent poll by the Pew Research Center, more than 1 in 3 Americans believe that colleges and universities exert a negative effect on the country. When respondents are grouped by political party, that response is as high as 58%.  While the poll doesn’t explain the basis for these feelings, we suspect that many view academia as the haven of ideologically-driven zealots, rather than sober-minded professionals. Take, for example, Professor Charles K. Smith from San Antonio College, who recently managed to get his name in the newspapers for teaching his geography class in protective combat gear to protest the lawful carrying of concealed handguns by students.

An article on mySanAntonio.com indicates that Smith was hoping to make a point about Texas’s 2015 campus carry law. The law took effect on community colleges, including the institution where Smith teaches, on Aug. 1. “I was just saying I don’t feel safe,” Smith told a reporter. He continued, “My assumption is that you will have more people carrying guns, that well [sic] lead to problems. It always has.”

One would hope that a man of letters like Prof. Smith would base his views on the evidence, rather than on irrational fears or personal prejudices. Yet Texas data consistently show that concealed carry licensees are far more law-abiding than the general population.

Meanwhile, four-year institutions in Texas were a year ahead of community colleges in implementing the 2015 law and did so without the parade of horribles Smith and likeminded academics feared. The Texas Tribune noted that “administrators overwhelmingly say the change to the campus climate has been minimal,” with exactly zero reported incidents of academic debate or disappointment over grades escalating into armed conflict. Academic officials interviewed by the Tribune said the law’s rollout was handled “very smoothly and without incident,” had “[v]irtually no impact at all,” and was “[a]mazingly quiet.”

Meanwhile, the Dallas News reported that the actual cost to public colleges and universities of implementing the law was more than 15 times less than estimates these institutions had provided to the state legislature.

Economist John Lott also makes the point that with well over one million concealed carry licensees throughout Texas, it’s highly probable that the professors who are so resistant to allowing concealed handguns on campus are already unwittingly encountering them in a host of other places.

Yet these facts, if even known to Prof. Smith, apparently haven’t influenced his thinking. Rather, his statements to mySanAntonio.com seem to indicate a belief that students have been gunning for him his entire career but simply have never had the tools at hand to carry out their lethal desires. “Used to, when they got mad at me, they had to go home to get the gun and had time to cool off,” he stated, “now they will have it with them.”

For what it’s worth, publicly available reviews of Prof. Smith by his students don’t indicate any murderous impulses, rather a consistent view of his classes as “boring” but “easy.” One student’s assessment was particularly pointed:

He makes mildly boring subject matter into a painful classroom experience. His sleep inducing political rants and disagreeable classroom demeanor and behavior make his lectures unbearable. He should make some effort and inject some enthusiasm into teaching geography rather than wasting students’ time with political commentary about current events.

Another faulted him for excessive talks “about his vacations,” while still another noted that Smith “inputted his very Liberal political views into just about every lecture.”

Smith did tell the reporter that he warned police and administrators about the plan for his stunt, which after all could have reasonably caused concern among students and bystanders about his intentions or plans. “Some of them were okay and some of them weren’t, but it’s freedom of speech,” Smith insisted.

That may be, but the message Smith actually conveyed may have simply raised questions about his own ability to interact respectfully with people whose opinions and ideology diverge from his own. Whether or not Prof. Smith succeeded in making himself bulletproof, it’s pretty clear that no facts or contrary opinions can penetrate his ironclad anti-gun ideology.

Hollywood remakes ‘How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb’ staring Hillary Clinton as Dr. Strangelove

Hillary Clinton (right) to play the role of Dr. Strangelove, originally done by Peter Sellers.

Hollywood, struggling to make any movie that is profitable, has decided to go back to the future, no pun intended.

An unnamed source leaked to CNN the script of a new version of the 1964 Stanley Kubrick film “Dr. Strangelove” or “How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb.” Dr. Strangelove is being filmed at an undisclosed location in Chicago. This same unnamed source noted that the film will be released on November 8th, 2017, the first anniversary of President Trump’s election, under the title “How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love North Korea’s Bombs.”

The film is being marketed as anti-Trump. It will feature Hillary Clinton as U.S. President Merkin Muffley, Group Captain Lionel Mandrake of the RAF and Dr. Strangelove, former President Barack Obama will appear as Lt. Lothar Zogg, the B-1B navigator and Susan Rice in the role of Brigadier General Jack Ripper.

The film will be about what could happen if the wrong person (one of President Trump’s generals) pushed the wrong button. U.S. Air Force General Jack Ripper (played by the gender neutral Susan Rice dressed as a man), goes completely insane, and sends his/her/its bomber wing to destroy North Korea.

Ripper tells Mandrake that he discovered the Communist plot to pollute Americans’ “precious bodily fluids” during “the physical act of love.”

The Ripper (Rice) thinks that the Russians stole the 2016 election and are conspiring to pollute the “precious bodily fluids” of the Democrat Party making them impotent. Ripper (Rice) takes President Trump’s “locked and loaded” comment to heart and decides to pull the trigger her/him/itself.

The the roles of  Major T. J. “King” Kong, General Buck Turgidson, a jingoist USAF general, Colonel Bat Guano, Soviet Ambassador Alexei de Sadeski, Miss Scott, General Turgidson’s secretary and mistress, and Capt. Ace Owens, the B-1B co-pilot have yet to be announced. The unnamed source believes/suggests/thinks roles have been offered to Anthony Weiner (jingoist General Buck Turgidson), Vladimir Putin (Ambassador Sadeski), Chelsea Manning (Turgidson’s mistress) and Bernie Sanders (Capt. Ace Owens) .

Hollywood is looking to revive its mojo in this summer of discontent, also know as “the resistance.”

Box office sales are way down because Hollywood’s audience, made up of Antifa, Black Lives Matter, Organizing for Action and Democrats, is busy protesting the November 2016 election.

Dr. Strangelove will be billed as the biggest upset in Hollywood history since November 8, 2016.

Dr. Strangelove Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb Full Movie.

RELATE ARTICLE: Susan Rice: US can ‘tolerate’ N. Korean nukes

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column originally appeared in the magazines The Hollywood Beating and Califorication News.

Forget microaggressions, introducing NANOaggressions

Comrades, we all know about microaggressions. These nefarious, seemingly innocent behaviors and words are all part of a grand right-wing effort to destroy the progressive utopia. In fact, we even know such things can be done unwittingly, which in turn requires a struggle session to identify and work through.

But the nanoaggression? Oh, this is a heroic new form of oppression just recently discovered by the Leon Trotsky Institute for Social Progress and Ice Pick Research.

A nanoaggression is such a subtle form of discrimination, harassment and privilege that it is all but impossible to observe, yet easy to experience. The cumulative effects of nanoaggressions will eventually wear out a victimized individual due to their nefarious and difficult to identify presence.

We might ask then, what are examples of nanoaggressions?

Well the correct answer is if you have to ask, you are an oppressor. If you are not a member of a victimized class of people, then you literally shed nanoaggressions the way a cat might shed hair in the summertime, and like that hair, it is an irritant that destroys the quality of life of those around you.

Remember, do not ask what a nanoaggression is, simply accept the fact you radiate them at all times, and take steps to reduce their transmission. And of course, if you have to ask how to do that, then well, that’s also oppressive.

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire by Colonel 7.62 originally appeared in The Peoples Cube.

Trump threatens millions of senators with imminent death

In the latest effort at genocide by President Trump, the worst Republican since Hitler, U.S. Senators may face loss of their subsidized health coverage. Mr. Trump ominously tweeted in a manner reminiscent of Hitler, “If a new HealthCare Bill is not approved quickly, BAILOUTS for Insurance Companies and BAILOUTS for Members of Congress will end very soon!”

If Trump makes good on this threat, women and minorities will be hardest hit according to a report by the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office. CBO accountant, Fred “Nonpartisan” Phelps commented, “Our figures estimate that if Trump follows through with this extreme proposal, 1.5 million senators will die every minute. That’s 2,160,000,000 senators each day. The first to go will be women and minority Democrats, along with moderate transgender Republicans. The math is positively chilling.”

Congresswoman Maxine Waters agreed. “What he said,” she said.

Glowering darkly over his trademark reading glasses, Senator Chuck Schumer warned, “If the president refuses to make the cost-sharing reduction payments, every expert agrees that premiums will go up and health care will be more expensive for millions of Americans. The president ought to stop playing politics with people’s lives and health care, start leading and finally begin acting presidential.”

While the Schumer quote sounds as though he were actually concerned for other Americans, researchers at the nonpartisan People’s Cube, America’s most equal and most trusted news source, have found out differently. Through our contacts with anonymous sources and current and former officials, The People’s Cube has acquired the Schumer Translation Device, or STD, which accurately decodes statements by the New York senator.

Once run through the STD, we get the actual Schumer quote, “If the president refuses to cave like a good Republican, and cuts off the low insurance rates we legislated for ourselves, every member of my staff agrees that premiums will go up for them and I will actually have to pay for my own health care as if I was one of the little people! This is outrageous! I am a senator! I am your god! The president ought to acknowledge our superior status, do as he’s told, and finally begin acting like sniveling Republicans have for decades.”

Whatever Schumer meant to say, however, is irrelevant. Leading intellectual senators like Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren all agree that if anything other than their agenda becomes law, everybody will die every 15 seconds, and that would be unconscionable.

Will you join us at the People’s Cube as we stand with our oppressed senators? Should our elected officials really have to obey the laws they lovingly impose on the rest of us? Isn’t it a privilege, yea, a patriotic duty to pay for the health care of our dear elected leaders while we proudly endure doublings and quadruplings of our own health care premiums?

Stand up and fight for the privileges of our betters! Stand up and resist the evil of the free market! Stand up and resist affordable health care! Stand up and resist Trump!

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire by Komissar al-Blogunov originally appeared in The Peoples Cube. 

Democrats predict Trump will destroy the Sun on August 21, 2017

Democrat lawmakers and climate change scientists warn that Trump’s disastrous environmental policies will culminate in the destruction of the Sun on August 21, 2017.

Since taking office, Donald Trump has been rolling back Obama-era policies that curbed climate change on the pretense of liberating business owners from unnecessary job-killing regulations. However we now know that President Obama’s environmental regulations were the only thing keeping the world from being plunged into total darkness.

“Less than a year ago, none of us could imagine a President Trump …,” Nobel laureate Al Gore said while on a tour promoting his new movie An Inconvenient Squeal. “… Now imagine a world without a Sun!”

Most scientists believe that the destruction of the Sun will be an extinction level event, turning the Earth into frozen wasteland where the surface temperature will be minus 400 degrees Fahrenheit. However climate change scientists like hockey-stick inventor Dr. Michael Mann warn that not even the destruction of the Sun will counter man-made global warning.

A protest of Trump’s Sun-destroying presidency is planned for August 21. While climate scientists, environmentalists, and Hollywood celebrities pray to Gaia, Senator Maxine Waters intends to introduce legislation to create a new sun named the “Hillary Clinton Star” which should appear after a few minutes of darkness.

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire by Chairman Meow originally appeared on The Peoples Cube.

BREAKING: President Trump to Announce Sale of California…

According to an anonymous leak to CNN, President Trump will disclose on September 9th, the 167th anniversary of California becoming the 31st state of the union, that he has reached an agreement with Enrique Pena Nieto, President of Mexico, which provides for the sale of substantially all of the California Republic to Mexico.

President Trump is expected to note that this sale, which he will tout as “his largest real estate deal ever,” as a win-win for everyone involved.  Among the benefits the Trump administration is expected to highlight during a prime time address from the oval office, includes using the proceeds received by the U.S./Mexico deal to:

  1. Pay for the Border Wall (fulfilling yet another campaign promise), a wall which will now include the length of the eastern boarder of California,
  2. Fund all the infrastructure spending in the remaining 49 states, and
  3. Pay to relocate the 67 Republicans that currently reside in California.

The Trump administration will also note that federal taxes saved from the reduction of California citizens, and illegal aliens, on U.S. social programs will allow those social programs to be cash positive in less than 3 years.

Mexican President Nieto announced that he has already introduced a bill to the Mexican Congress of the Union, not to be confused with the Teamsters, asking to change his country’s name to MexiCal.

Proposed new flag for the Republic of Mexilfornia

Other benefits President Trump intends to discuss during his prime time address include:

  1. California will now be able to act as a sanctuary state within MexiCal noting that there is much more room for the refugees who will find the climate in the State of California more desirable than the climate in US cities such as NYC, Detroit or Chicago.
  2. The elimination of the existing border between Mexico and California will allow drugs to flow more freely between Mexico and the users in Hollywood.
  3. Drug tunnel diggers at the Tijuana boarder will now be able to use their skills to dig tunnels under Los Angeles to help ease congestion in that city and allow rioters to move about the city’s universities more freely.
  4. The U.S. taxpayer will no longer be on the hook for any future disaster relief required once the next mega-quake hits California.
  5. The space in the Capitol and other DC buildings vacated by representatives of California will be fumigated and turned into “time-out rooms” for the press as well as Liberty Centers where U.S. citizens can meet with their congressmen to discuss the pursuit of economic freedom.

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi released a statement stating that she looks forward to making the Mexican President’s life miserable and prefers the year round weather in Mexico City to that of D.C.  Her office has already announced a schedule of fund raising activities for what is believed to be an upcoming campaign to run for President of MexiCal.

Papers released along with Trump’s leaked statement reveal that a newly incorporated real estate company, pmurT, Inc., which was intimately involved in the deal discussions, will receive a broker fee of $25 billion on the California sale.  An anonymous pmurT, Inc. representative has revealed that the profits on the deal are HUGE and will be used to purchase, develop and convert all abandoned U.S. Federal facilities in California into special high end retreats and resorts which will assist California residents with managing their euphoria and transition into the nanny state they have so long desired to be.

Proposed map of Mexical

The exact northern border of the new MexiCal is still under negotiation.  Apparently the White House is concerned that certain members of congress may be unwilling to give up California’s wine country and are suggesting that the northern border align with the north end of the Golden Gate Bridge.

California residents will be issued special blue cards to cross the border into the U.S. so that the total number of California liberals entering the U.S. can be tracked and at any point in time not exceed predetermined levels. Residents that remain in California after the effective date of the sale will not be allowed to seek refugee status in the U.S. in the future.

Mexican President Nieto stated he is thrilled with the deal and is looking forward to declaring Spanish the national language for his newly acquired territory and opening SSL (Spanish as a second language) schools throughout California.  He also noted that funding for the transaction would come from the Mexican drug cartels, which have agreed to provide low interest loans to Mexico so long as they are allowed to move their cash out of Switzerland and the Cayman Islands back into Mexico tax free. He also said he considers the fact that a Disney park will now be located within his country an added bonus.

White House representatives refused to confirm to CNN rumors that a similar deal was in the works for the sale of other states including Washington, New York, Maine, and Illinois.

President Trump wrapped up his statement stating, “this deal is HUGE and will help Make America, albeit a little smaller, Great Again.”

RELATED ARTICLE: ‘Calexit’ organizers can now start collecting signatures to get California secession on the ballot – Los Angeles Times

EDITORS NOTE: Hat tip to Al from Florida for sending us this political satire column.

VIDEO: Being A Millennial

In this episode of Ultra Spiritual Life JP shares with us what it’s like to be a Millennial.

Depending on your perspective and sense of humor he’s either created a wonderfully sarcastic parody of Millenials or a very realist documentary of what a being a Millennial is like. Either way, there is no doubt that Millennials have quite a few people confused including themselves.

To find out why and to understand them better take the time to watch The Millennial Question.

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire is by Big Geek Daddy

Trump, Russiagate, and the Media: The Colluder Vanishes

Now that the Trump/Russia collusion narrative is starting to lose traction, media outlets are desperately working to drop the story and cover their tracks. However, research conducted by the nonpartisan People’s Cube, America’s most trusted and most equal news source, has uncovered evidence of media collusion.

Disturbing facts proving that major news sources have changed their stories and altered images to hoodwink an unsuspecting public have been made available by anonymous sources, current and former officials, and sources close to Rachel Maddow.

Notice how in the first picture Trump is seen photographed with the Russian ambassador, Sergei Lavrov.

However, in the next picture, Lavrov has been clearly replaced with a potted plant. This is a clever attempt to not only whitewash the story of Russian collusion, but also to introduce the new narrative questioning Trump’s sanity.

In the next picture, Trump is seen with two leading editors of Pravda, the Russian news magazine.

Notice how a later alteration shows Trump only with the mustachioed reporter, and then one more alteration shows him by himself as if he had never met with either reporter.

Collusion_Trump_Lenin_Stalin_3.jpg

Finally, in this last and perhaps most damning picture, president-elect Trump and Mike Pence are seen with the infamous Soviet head of NKVD/Foreign Elections Influence Division, Nikolai Yezhov. In an effort to obliterate any evidence of Russian collusion, photoshoppers at CNN simply removed Yezhov from the picture.

Indeed, in the media’s nefarious efforts to change their story on Russian collusion, they have attempted to see to it that the colluder vanishes with the story. Nice try, media, but we’ve caught you “red” handed.

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by Komissar al-Blogunov originally appeared on The Peoples Cube.

The Alternative Secret History of the World

Excuse me while I question your patriotism, progressive comrades. The Fourth of July is coming and you will not be celebrating it — not with the same thoughts and emotions as the rest of your countrymen. If you have been undermining this country for most of the year, why should this day be different?

A critical look at history always helps if it is based on objective reality and an understanding that our age, just like any historical age, is only a flight of stairs in an endless stairwell leading us up, away from barbarism, towards civilization. Trying to cut corners will only bring you down.

Another sure thing to bring you down is the multiculturalist idea that “up” and “down” are morally equal. If that were true, nobody would have risen above his surroundings, because going down is easier and more natural. But humans are different from the rest of the physical world in that in a free state we tend to go up. Moving upwards is in our nature. Leave us to our own devices and watch. “Up” is where we go to pursue happiness – in more ways than one. That brings us back to the Fourth of July and the different ways to look at it.

The history that we know does not corroborate anti-American talking points. Could there perhaps be some hidden version of history that we don’t know? An alternative secret history of the world from which the “progressive” activists, journalists, and politicians draw their talking points? Social criticism implies the existence of an alternative. We never hear much about the alternative to American history or, for that matter, a hypothetical world history without the United States.

The Alternative Secret History of the World According to the Liberal Left

“Prior to July 4, 1776, not a single person in the world starved, got sick, worked hard for a living, or experienced any pain nor anxiety.”With so many zealots simmering in the anti-American melting pot of “progress,” one might think they had already cooked some shared historical narrative in which anti-Americanism actually makes sense and the entire Leftist agenda doesn’t appear so absurd. What is it?

Most “progressive” critics either don’t think that far, or they don’t have the guts to give their views a full exposure. So let’s do it for them. Let’s connect the dots with logical lines and reconstruct a historical narrative that would validate all the liberal bumper stickers.

Prior to July 4, 1776, not a single person in the world starved, got sick, worked hard for a living, or experienced any pain and anxiety. No one had ever been oppressed or unfairly exploited because the oppressive and unfair American system had not yet been created.

Since the beginning of time employment had been equally guaranteed to anyone who cared to work, along with an equal pay of exactly $1,000 a week regardless of outcome, occupation, or the geographical area. All work was equally pleasant and enjoyable. Those who chose not to work also received $1,000 a week in unemployment compensation and Union benefits. Other guaranteed people’s rights included the right to housing and free universal health care, as well as the right to 100% literacy through federally funded public education.

People never heard of wars, crime, corruption, slavery, torture, murder, cannibalism, and man-made hurricanes. Peace and harmony reigned supreme because the concepts of greed, selfishness, and private property had not yet been invented by the American corporate interests and maliciously spread around the world as part of the American cultural hegemony.

Each person in that ideal world practiced his or her own peaceful spirituality, worshipping Earth, Nature, and the Sacred Feminine, while honoring the spiritual traditions of everyone else. Benevolent chieftains dispensed benefits to their subjects to each according to their needs, making sure that ethnic and sexual minorities were equally and proportionally represented in all spheres of public life. Habeas Corpus was the law of the land, along with Exit Strategy and Geneva Conventions.

Family planning, effective birth control, and early sex education ensured that every family had exactly 2.2 children per household, which prevented overpopulation and famine. Commerce, travel, and international trade were uncommon; everyone lived and died within not more than a five-mile distance from their birthplace. People didn’t feel the need to migrate, set up colonies, take over other countries, create empires, settle in uninhabited areas, or fight one another over a creek in the desert.

All farming was organic and for subsistence purposes only. The environment was clean due to reliance on alternative fuels and invigorating manual labor. As a result, everybody lived in comfortable, carbon-neutral houses, eating plenty of good food on a regular basis, and driving fuel-efficient automobiles when they weren’t riding their 18-speed urban cruiser bicycles.

This was an amazing achievement of indigenous cultures considering that there had been no division of labor and most people lived on farms. In the free time that remained after toiling the soil and tending to the animals, the indigenous farmers discerned the laws of nature, developed vaccines for deadly illnesses, stretched out the average lifespan prodigiously, and fed the starving in far away places.

This Golden Age lasted from about 20,000 BC up until the American Revolution. After 1776 everything just went downhill.

Immediately upon declaring their Independence, the Americans began the theft of native Indian lands, industries, highways, and communications infrastructure. The Americans used Black slave labor to invent things that would give them an unfair edge over other cultures: cotton gin, bifocals, steam power pumps, self propelled amphibious vehicles, coffee pot, sewing machine, power tools, ether anesthesia, mechanical refrigerator, cylinder printing press, passenger elevator, burglar alarm, oil well drilling, repeating rifle, pin tumbler lock, roller skates, offset printing, barbed wire, dental drill, mimeograph, telephone, light bulb, hearing aid, electric fan, skyscraper, disposable camera, escalator, motion picture camera, safety razor, air conditioner, airplane, assembly line, frozen food, radio astronomy, television, chair lift, nylon, defibrillator, microwave oven, atomic bomb, carbon dating, Polaroid camera, polio vaccine, integrated circuit, oral contraceptive, laser, computer, operating system, optical fiber, calculator, product barcode, space shuttle, artificial heart, internet, and graphic user interface.

Once they stole enough wealth and power, the Yankees moved on to exploit the rest of the world, setting up corporations on every street corner in order to oppress and humiliate people of other cultures, races, and religions. The corporations launched wars and endemic diseases to create economic need and political chaos from which, like Venus from the sea foam, the greedy bourgeois class was born. With the help of the local bourgeoisie, the Americans overthrew all of the free world’s honest and caring chieftains, replacing them with corrupt democratic regimes in order to steal their oil and destroy local ecosystems.

American preachers and missionaries confiscated all means of birth control from the aboriginal tribes, causing disastrous demographic explosions, followed by famine and more wars. Once the world was subdued and demoralized, Americans lowered indigenous people’s salaries to ten cents a day, at the same time forcing them to buy American goods by way of boldfaced advertising.

The American TV commercials insulted the refined tastes of subsistence farmers so much that they often threw organic eggs and vegan burgers at their plasma screens, destroying them and unwittingly creating a demand for even more TVs. With all the commotion they missed the advance of Global Warming, a clandestine project executed from the secret climate change centers paid for by American imperialists.

This alternative history may never be officially acknowledged, yet it is being implied in news radio and TV programming, film documentaries, Hollywood movies, UN resolutions, comedy shows, and political speeches — including those delivered by Democrats running for President — let alone millions of stickers, placards, T-shirts, and buttons sold at “progressive” junkets.

If I didn’t know the real history and was a little more gullible, as many public school graduates are today, such a narrative might also become a part of my perspective. I might conclude, along with such “progressive” minds as Sean Penn and Ben Affleck, that the United States is a force of evil. I might agree with Noam Chomsky and Ward Churchill that the world’s oppressed would be damned fools if they didn’t hate America and yearn for the destruction of this unspeakable beast. As a fair-minded person I might even give them a hand – as Ramsey Clark and Lynn Stewart have done, making the support of America’s enemies their full-time job and a life-long commitment.

I’d probably share a utopian belief that once America as it exists today is eradicated, peace and harmony will be restored worldwide, and people will finally have a chance to live as one happy family without wars, greed, corruption, and evil corporations pursuing their racist agenda of climate change. Minority subsistence farmers will hurl their remote controls into the jungle, and everyone’s pay will go back to $1,000 a week plus union benefits.

I would certainly decide that the Fourth of July should not be celebrated. Why should we honor the greatest setback in the history of world progress? Rather than watch air-polluting fireworks, we must instead grieve with the rest of progressive humanity over the dark day that gave birth to the evil entity that is the United States of America.

But then again, if I were an intellectually honest public school graduate I might read a few books besides A People’s History of the United States: 1492-Present by Howard Zinn, an anti-American volume that had impressed Ben Affleck and Matt Damon so much that they featured it in “Good Will Hunting” (“That book will blow your hair back”), and even considered turning it into a TV mini-series starring Winona Ryder.

If I were to read about real history I might find out to my great astonishment that for many thousands of years the world’s wonderful cultures had been at each other’s throat, engrossed in feuds, rape, pillaging, slavery, theft of the neighbors’ resources, torture, murder, treachery, corruption, assassinations, and cannibalism. I’d learn that from the beginning of time, human history was a never-ending string of wars, famines, diseases, exploitation, poor hygiene, high infant mortality, and an average life expectancy of about 30 years. I’d gather that the world was mostly run by either ignorant witch doctors or ruthless tyrants who went to war for personal enjoyment, constructing pyramids out of the skulls of slain enemies.

“Turks conquered cradles of ancient civilizations with turn-key cities and pre-existing infrastructure.”I’d also discover that people had been migrating all the time, moving to other lands and continents, setting up colonies and empires without asking permission from the natives, who often assimilated into one nation with the conquerors. The latest example is the Turkish Ottoman Empire whose conquest of heavily populated countries in Europe and the Middle East was happening simultaneously with the colonization of the sparsely populated Americas by the Europeans.

The Turks had come from far-away lands, stole the entire Asia Minor from the Christian natives, renamed their cities, and settled on their land for good. As the Americans fought a war against slavery, the Ottoman Empire continued to grow and expand its slave trade, bordering simultaneously on Austria, Morocco, Poland, Sudan, and Persia. The number of people killed, enslaved, converted, and driven from their land was much greater in the Ottoman Empire than in the entire Western hemisphere. Where is the outcry and demands of reparations?

If I were an inquisitive public school graduate I’d ask a question: if land theft and slave labor is what had made America so rich, why isn’t Turkey the richest country in the world? As opposed to the bare lands and deserts of the New World, the Turks conquered cradles of ancient civilizations with turn-key cities and pre-existing infrastructure. However, apart from oil deposits, the formerly Ottoman lands remain dirt-poor, with Turkey itself not far away in the lead.

But let’s not single out the Turks. Before them were the Mongols, who made no distinction between the civilians and the army, and whose conquest had lead to the creation of the world’s largest empire ruled by fear and iron discipline. How many millionaires does Mongolia have today? And before that were the Arabs who came as conquerors from the Arabian Peninsula, stole all of North Africa and Mesopotamia (modern Iraq) from the Christian natives, forcibly converted them to Islam, and settled on their land for good. And before them there had been conquests by the Huns, the Chinese, the Celts, the Greeks, the Romans, the Goths, the Persians, the Slavs, and many others who settled on other people’s lands simply because they could.

All cultures practiced slavery in one way or another. It stopped in Europe around the Middle Ages but continued to thrive in Africa, Asia, and in the Middle East. Through the contacts between the Arabs and the Portuguese it was reintroduced to Europe and the Americas. Although the European and American abolitionists eventually brought an end to slavery and slave trade on their territories, it still exists in various ugly forms in other parts of the world.

To get a glimpse of the thousand-year-old dark historical reality, look no further than Sudan where even today Arabs are practicing a racist form of slavery. Black African villages of Darfur are being ransacked, men and women killed and raped, their children taken away as slaves (and also raped repeatedly). Nothing can be done now to change old history, but something can and should be done to change the fate of black slaves today. Only the activists and “community leaders” who usually initiate such actions are so busy fuming over the suffering of black slaves in America seven generations ago that they have no time for the suffering of black slaves in today’s Sudan. Could it be because their real concern has never been the suffering of black slaves – but rather finding an excuse to trash the United States?

Another huge slaving outpost waiting to be freed is, of course, North Korea. Why aren’t there any calls from the “progressive” camp to abolish a form of neo-slavery called socialism? Why did the “progressives” call the USSR a “workers’ paradise” when it was being built by slave labor in concentration camps? If slavery is a certified path to prosperity, why didn’t half a century of suffering and millions of lives wasted in the gulag make the Soviet Union richer — but the new economic freedom did, despite the botched reforms and the ubiquitous government corruption? China had emulated the Soviet slave-labor economy with an even bigger army of political prisoners – and with an equally disastrous outcome. But when the Communist rulers abandoned slave labor in favor of capitalist reforms, the economy started to grow — and so did the standard of living.

If putting an end to slavery and giving people a small amount of freedom can bring forth such sizeable growth within only two decades in Russia and China, how much economic growth and prosperity can be achieved by a nation whose people have had two centuries of full economic and political freedom? “Have all cultures already arrived at the final point in their development?”To find the answer, look at a country that starts with “United” and ends with “States.” And that’s the end of the silly argument about America owing its prosperity to slave labor.

The continent of North America was settled in several waves by Siberian hunters, each wave accompanied by the theft of land and conquest. In what bank is that stolen wealth kept today? The arriving Europeans discovered a collection of half-naked warrior tribes killing one another for land, water, game, wives, and simply as a sport – just like anywhere else in the world thousands of years ago. Only some cultures had grown out of it, others had never risen, yet others had gone over the hill and slid back into barbarism. This begs a question: by what measure do we determine which stage of cultural development is the correct one and deserving of being frozen in time?

The multiculturalist dogma of the equality of all cultures raises even more questions. Have all cultures already arrived at the final point in their development? Is cultural achievement meaningless? Is the history of arts and sciences irrelevant? Is the complexity of social structure inconsequential? Is the respect for human dignity and individual rights an empty sound? Is there no difference between “up” and “down” on the stairwell of human progress? And if you believe all of that, can you still call yourself a “progressive” and maintain a straight face?

History answers negatively to all those questions. World cultures aren’t equal and never have been. Humanity is a living, breathing, and evolving organism that thrives on cultural interaction and development, in which cultures compete for survival — and yes, fight with each other — but also learn from the best.

Today we are witnessing a major fight between two of the world’s cultures, one of which — the Islamic fundamentalists — got stuck at the lower steps of societal evolution and would like to drag the rest of the world down to their level, so that there would be nothing left above their heads to distract true believers from focusing on their toenails and pondering existential issues such as the foot hygiene of airline passengers.

If you listen to the “progressives” and believe that all cultures are equal, you might as well not resist and descend to their level as John Walker Lindh did. “If we want answers we shouldn’t be stopping the pioneers.By the time you discover that the difference between “up” and “down” is not a fancy post-modernist notion, but a reality as essential as the difference between life and death, it may be too late. Not just for you but to those around you as well, within the kill radius of the shrapnel in your explosive belt.

Equating our two cultures is not just unnatural – it’s suicidal. We should consider ourselves lucky that a few generations ago Western nations managed to lift themselves out of the sewer in which humanity lived for thousands of years. These nations have mastered science, arts, medicine, increased life expectancy, and developed a legal system that grants more rights and freedoms to individual citizens than any other culture in history. The advancement is reciprocal: the more freedoms the individuals have, the better off the nation is economically. At the head of this upward movement is the United States, the first nation to put individual freedoms above the government’s interests. Placing the government in the service of the people at an age when the rest of the world viewed the people as mere servants to their governments.

The vertical map of the world’s cultures is never a still picture; they are moving along the entire visible length of the stairwell of progress. The invisible flights of stairs are still ahead of us – a terra incognita. How far up does the stairwell go? Is there an end to it? How soon will humanity get there, and how much has already been covered? If we want answers we shouldn’t be stopping the pioneers. We must celebrate them.

As for the losers still down at the bottom, empathize with them all you want – but remember that you can afford this emotional luxury only because at least one part of humanity has found the ability to clean up their act and show the way to other nations – and a hope that one day, with the right attitude, the others may also climb out of the sewer.

And that is what the Fourth of July means to this author. Fireworks, barbecues, and department store sales are optional.

UPDATE:

NOW AVAILABLE ON A T-SHIRT:


buy this T-shirt

This was published in PJMedia on July 3, 2007.

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire by Red Square originally appeared on The Peoples Cube.

Science comes to march in lockstep for Earth Progress!

As the world community senses the looming destruction of our planet by Trump’s imperial knowledge-rejecting regime, scientists all over the globe stand up and say No pasaran!

On April 22, and the battle cry of Earth Day resounding through the canyons of our metropoles, Science will march in the front row!


(all pics in this report show Science March rehearsals ongoing now all over the world.)Female-gendered scientists designed a Brainy-hat, and keenly knit it during breaks in rehearsals :

Collectives of scientists in all basic research disciplines announced elaborate programs of historically unprecedented sophistication, aimed to finally establish Environmental Justice for Gaia.

Physicists – Relentlessly Smash Inequality of Atoms!

Everybody knows: each atom has a Z (zhe Atomzahl aka proton number). That Z varies wildly: for hydrogen (evil!) it’s 1, for oxygen (People’s Element!) it’s 8, for gold (bankers!) it’s 79. That’s a scandalous inequality.

And so, the Gaia Program in Physics is: Make all atoms equal! Redistribute protons, and make all atoms have a common, universal Z. Say, Z = 59. This is a monumental effort, given that there are really many, many atoms. Spare particles – protons, electrons etc. – freed from liberated atoms will be used as clean energy fuel.

Physicists present models of proton-wise equalized atoms.

NOTE. FBI started an investigation into the origins of protonic atom inequality. All traces lead to… RUSSIA! The evidence so far points to an individual with a suspicious name – Mendeleyev. Zionist?

Chemists – Boldly create New Matter out of Equalized Atoms!

As atom-equalized matter will soon bubble up in retorts, fascinating questions arise. Will water (H2O) become gooey? Will iron (Fe) be gaseous? Finally, will equalized gold (Au) be simply made from equalized stones (St)?

Chemists proudly present an equalized atom in Science March.

New Matter in a peaceful laboratory flask, with proletariat watching.

Even more contentious, the Gaia Program in Chemistry demands a protonic exception: Carbon (C) to be stripped of protons altogether! This is the direct way to boldly decarbonize our Planet.

Chemical activists for de-protonizing Carbon (and thusly decarbonizing Gaia).

    Mystery item No. 1

Mathematicians – Progressive Gender-Awareness NOW!

Mathematics is extremely gender offensive. One single blob of genderific macroaggression.
This is aggressively explicit when doing Math in Romance languages (le/la, il/la, der/die/das).

See German:

der Punkt – (he) point ; die Linie – (she) line ; das Dreieck – (it) triangle.

Gender is pressed on any mathematical object, leaving no room at all for self-determination.

And it’s not just Romance languages – the Slavic ones have it too, implicitly.

Say, Russian:
(она) точка – (she) point ; (оно) пространство – (it) space ; (он) треугольник – (he) triangle.
Or this: (он) куб – (he) cube ; (она) вершина – (she) vertex ; (оно) ребро – (it) edge.

All research must be immediately stopped! The struggle must focus on total language revolution!
Only after the victory in that battle can gender-autonomy return to now victimized Math objects!

Mathematicians in Science March, expressing their resolve for Math Gender Revolution.

Climatists – Seize the Rudder in the Glorious March of Science!

The world collective of marching science decided (to be announced on April 22) the following:

1) The Queen of All Sciences is no longer Math, it is Climatism.
2) Climatism is administered, supervised, and directed by UN/IPCC.
3) UN/IPCC defines its innermost core UN/IPCC/IMC (abbrev. IMC).
4) What Climatism is, is – at any time – predetermined by IMC, the innermost core.
5) Who a Climate Scientist is, is defined by IMC’s rigorous Axiomatic Recursive Model, as follows:

A1. Members of IMC are Climate Scientists.
A2. Anyone deemed by a troika of Climate Scientists a Climate Scientist, is a Climate Scientist.

Corollary.

Whoever, in absence of a promoting troika (see A2), claims to be a “Climate Scientist”,
is thereby a scientophobic white supremacist contra-gendered Nazi denier (and RRRAAAAAcist!).See gloriously turgid Science Marches all over the Globe on April 22, The Gaia Day!

SCIENTISTS OF THE WORLD – UNITE!

RESIST WE MUCH!

MARCH FOR GAIA! MARCH FOR FUTURE!
MARCH FOR PROGRESS!

And unscientific denier Nazis will get a treatment they richly deserve :

EDITORS NOTE: This scientific political satire by Genosse Dummkopf originally appeared on The Peoples Cube.

MUSIC VIDEO: Hillary Clinton & James Comey sing ‘What Difference Does It Make?’

Hillary Clinton’s use of a personal email server while serving as Secretary of State is not only an enduring political scandal, it’s also a new hit song.

Performed by Hillary Clinton and FBI Director James Comey, this soulful tune tells the story of one woman and her ability to transcend the traditional confines of U.S. law.

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire video by SocialistMop originally appeared on YouTube and Roiling America magazine.

Poor Me Magazine #4: Trump-Comey edition

Poor Me is a magazine dedicated to people who see themselves as victims. Read the new Trump-Comey edition – their thickest issue to date.

Challenges of being a drama queen in the age of Trump. Experts: “Competition is fierce.”

IN THIS ISSUE:

  • March against fascism ends with 400,000 fewer deaths than expected
  • Hillary to victims: “poison the wells, scorch the earth”
  • Kathy Griffin: From woke to broke in one easy step
  • Top 10 methods to make the world feel guilty and apologize
  • LeBron James needs a day without white people: “No matter how much money I have, I’m still as paranoid as a homeless drug addict”
  • Is everything Trump’s fault? Ask an expert!

EXCLUSIVE – Closed session: Comey, 56, demonstrates on doll where he feared Trump was going to touch him

Covfefe from Black Rifle Coffee Company.

The Next Big Thing: COVFEFE

Get a free lifetime subscription courtesy of the Deep State.

Previous issues:

EDITORS NOTE:This political satire by Red Square originally appeared on The Peoples Cube.

CNN — We don’t report the news, we fabricate it

Our reliable sources place 17-year old Donald J. Trump on the grassy knoll in Dallas on November 22nd, 1963 the day JFK was killed. Trump was seen speaking with a group of Russian cosmonauts and two Martians just before the fatal shots were fired.

See the recently released FBI image of the grassy knoll (right).

Congress is planning to appoint an unbiased special prosecutor, the Reverend Jesse Jackson, to investigate this report from unnamed sources close to John Podesta and Hillary Clinton.

Republican senators John McCain and Lindsey Graham and Democrat Charles “Our Man Chuck” Schumer have solidly verified this story in a nude seance utilizing Ouija board and the blood of two roosters.

In a related story, broken by The Washington Post and corroborated by the New York Times, Trump was seen running from Ford’s theater on the night President Lincoln was assassinated. Trump was reportedly accompanied by two Russian diplomats and the editor of National Lampoon magazine. An attempt was made to confirm this with John Wilkes Booth, but unfortunately CNN’s chief seance reporter was unable to fully confirm this report, but we ran it anyway. However, CNN’s chief seance reporter noted, “An unnamed spirit said to us that it’s Trump so it must be true.”

The totally unbiased FBI, deep state and Media Matters are investigating the Trump-Russia-Lincoln link. A joint statement released moments ago by the FBI and Media Matters included,

“We are leaving no stone upturned. We are currently combing through Mrs. Lincoln’s laptop and checking surveillance footage from the theater cameras that most of the public never knew existed, but we created…uh, discovered them. We ARE going to railroad Trump…I mean find the culprit through modern investigative techniques…”

Mr. Trump is also being mentioned in connection with the killing of Bambi’s mom, the expansion of global warming, and the sinking of the Titanic. These are ongoing investigations, as the evidence is still being manufactured by our news staff, which includes Al Gore, comedian Kathy Griffin, Monica Lewinsky and former U.S. Attorney General Loretta Lynch.

Stay tuned.

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire first appeared on CNN, MSNBC, ABC, CBS and PBS.

VIDEO: What happens when you ask a gun owner if he brought protection?

Black Rifle Coffee Company teamed up with Matt Best from Article 15 Clothing to make a video about what happens when you ask a gun owner if he brought protection.

Both Black Rifle Coffee Company and Article 15 Clothing are veteran owned and operated businesses.

This is a must watch video. Enjoy!

Matt Best is a former U.S. Army Ranger turned online video satirist.

Trump sells Vatican to Pope Francis for 2.5 million

The world’s best known dealmaker-turned-president showed that when it comes to real estate, nobody out-negotiates the Trumpster.

The president met briefly with Pope Francis, whom Trump described as a “…very, very nice man. Very hospitable,” before agreeing on a price for the Vatican.

Subjects discussed by the two leaders included the environment, world peace, religious tolerance, and property values.

“After a little going back and forth, I finally asked His Holiness what he wanted for the Vatican. He made an offer, but you know how deals are, he started low and I started high,” Trump told the accredited media shortly afterwards.

“At one point, I said, ‘Look, I know you work hard and don’t have a lot of money, so I’m willing to include the Sistine Chapel.’ Well that brought him around and we settled on 2.5 million. Not a bad deal at all. And that chapel, it was painted by a very, very talented artist. I told Ivanka, ‘Hey, find this Michelangelo guy and have him do the White House.’ You know, Melania thinks the place needs a makeover, and I think she’s right,” the president said.

“I couldn’t be happier,” said a delighted Pope Francis. “All my predecessors were only exalted guests here, but now I own the place. Not bad for a poor kid from Argentina who used to work as a bouncer.”

The pope also hinted that he may revise his views of capitalism. “This was an eye-opener for me. If we allow people to profit from their labors, maybe together we can make the Vatican great again.”

The two men shook hands on the deal and fielded questions from reporters about how the recent efforts at reconciliation between the Catholic and Orthodox faiths might have influenced the outcome of last year’s election.

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire by Komissar al-Blogunov originally appeared on The Peoples Cube.