President Obama Declares America Indefensible due to Sequestration

Forced by the sequestration to trim $85 billion from the country’s $3.6 trillion budget, President Barack Obama announced today that he would not deploy the aircraft carrier U.S.S. Harry Truman to the Persian Gulf as part of his plan to disband the entire United States military.

“I warned Congress that these cuts did not have to happen,” Obama said at a White House press conference. “The Republicans could have turned them off at any time by just compromising and raising the taxes I requested. So now they have forced me to lay off the only non-essential government employees I could find, which just happens to be all the members of the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, and Coast Guard. As of midnight Thursday, the United States is indefensible.”

The President went on to add that he could not find any other government agencies or public services where he could cut spending.

“I know that the budget cuts were supposed to be across the board. But I could not in good conscious consider any reductions in domestic spending and leave many Americans wondering whether they will receive the many things they have grown to depend on from the government.”

The Defense Department has already issued orders to begin implementing President Obama’s 100% reduction in military personnel.

In South Korea, soldiers of the U.S. Eighth Army burned the regimental colors and sold their weapons to buy plane tickets home where food stamps and Obamaphones await them. And in the Persian Gulf, all of the ships of the U.S. Fifth Fleet simultaneously sounded alarms to abandon ship and were scuttled.

An exception will be made for the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers which will be demobilized this Sunday instead of on Friday. This will give them time to destroy anything on abandoned military bases that may pose a danger to small children.

President Obama also stated that he will keep a small detachment of U.S. Air Force personnel to crew and maintain Air Force One, as well as a token force of Marines to crew the helicopter designated as Marine One.

“Let them be a reminder of America’s former military glory and how the Republicans destroyed it.”

According to some experts, the US military is not going down without a fight, sequestered or not.

Here is some photographic evidence of the latest combat operations conducted under severe budget cuts conditions.