ObamaCare Website Glitch Causes VP Biden to Vanish
First, there was the mysterious cancellation of millions of health insurance policies, followed by mass hallucinations which led many citizens to believe that if they liked their insurance policies, they could keep them.
But the latest problem has even savvy veteran party conspiracy theorists scratching their heads: the spate of unexpected ObamaCare website computer glitches has apparently caused VP Joe Biden to disappear.
As one of the most impassioned and eloquent spokesmen for the glorious ACA, the world expected to see Mr. Biden on the front lines of the battle to roll out the president’s signature legislation. Instead the VP has been virtually invisible since website problems began unexpectedly cropping up on Oct 1.
No one is sure exactly how but the current theory is that the website’s inexplicable difficulties somehow caused him to vanish.
Unable to cope with the reality of his absence, anguished, grief-stricken Biden supporters continue to report seeing him in various venues ranging from his home state of Delaware to places as far away as Houston and Panama.
“It’s just like after Elvis died,” commented one staffer. “Fans were so distraught, they were seeing him all over the place.”
“But it’s not possible to be in Delaware one day and Houston the next,” the staffer explained further. “You would have to travel near the speed of sound or something. Besides, we all knowthat Joe would be at the president’s side, fighting for the ACA, if he could. Foul play just has to be involved for him to disappear at this critical time. There’s just no other explanation for him to be AWOL right now.”
Some cynics have suggested that Mr. Biden, who is expected to seek the Party’s nomination to succeed President Obama in 2016, is purposely staying out of sight to avoid being associated with what some have characterized as a less-than-stellar ObamaCare launch.
“Don’t be mizzled by racist propaganda!” says DNC chairperson Debbie Wasserman Schultz. “As I told Candy Crowley and anyone else who would listen, Americans have been feeling the benefits since 2010. Democratic candidates will be able to run on Obamacare as an advantage in 2014.”
She added that the benefits of the ACA will increase exponentially by 2016, making Mr. Biden a shoo-in to win the presidency if he is the nominee. So there is no reason for him to not want to carry the ACA banner proudly, she claimed.
When asked why the Vice President had apparently vanished the last two months, Schultz offered an honest, straightforward answer.
“UFOs. Just like Elvis,” she said.
This column originally appeared on The Peoples Cube.
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