Top Twelve Things that Didn’t Happen in 2013
Here are our Top Twelve Things that Didn’t Happen in 2013:
- November designated Ignorance Awareness Month; apathetic public doesn’t care
- Space-time expansion accelerates; clock faces change to 13 hours
- Y2K finally kicks in, is blamed for healthcare.gov glitches
- Rhetoric reaches tipping point, grows exponentially, hits wall, goes over cliff, crashes and burns
- Newer Testament released, Commandments replaced with Executive Orders
- Government worker discovers untapped debt hidden in Capitol’s debt ceiling
- Post-modern era ends, neo-post-retro-revival era begins
- Hell’s Angels sue Wall Street to get 1% label back, Wall Street retaliates by selling Harley-Davidson to China
- More climate data lost due to a growing number and intensity of memory holes
- To raise revenue government begins charging for formerly free speech
- Tired old clichés replaced with fresh new clichés
- Earth’s magnetic field reverses, the South rises again
Things not likely to happen in 2014:
- A headline that reads “Government program ends as its intended goal has been achieved.”
What is likely to happen in 2014:
- All numbers will be in binary and ahl speling wil bee dun funnetiklee.
Hahpee 11101101010, komradz!