Obama’s Uncle Probably Not Fed To Hungry Dogs

Earlier media reports that President Obama executed his half-uncle Onyango Obama by feeding him to hungry dogs are probably not true, a new report says.

The original story, which grotesquely claimed that Barack Obama’s half-uncle and half-aunt, Onyango (Omar) Obama and Zeituni “Auntie” Onyango, had been thrown into a cage and eaten alive by a pack of ravenous hounds, first appeared in The Pyongyang Times, a North Korean tabloid circulated in hotel lobbies, airports, and other places frequented by foreigners.

Given the newspaper’s close ties to the North Korean government, analysts believe the article had been planted by the dictatorial regime as a retribution for disseminating a similar story earlier this year, about North Korean leader Kim Jong-un’s own uncle being executed by dogs  – an allegation that was widely circulated in the United States by The People’s Cube and other leading media organs.

In particular, The Pyongyang Times editorial stated that Barack Obama was getting increasingly frustrated with his two feckless relatives, who lived in the U.S. illegally, didn’t pay taxes, sponged off America’s housing, healthcare and welfare systems under multiple names, incessantly complained, got arrested repeatedly, and caused all kinds of trouble, thus tarnishing his otherwise impeccable reputation and stellar political career, which was why Obama decided to feed them to the dogs.

That turns out to be not true: latest reports indicate that Uncle Omar and Auntie Zeituni are still receiving government assistance.

According to the Pyongyang story, the President’s symbolic calls for the prosecution of his relatives and other attempts to distance himself from them didn’t work. So when Obama saw a report about Kim Jong-un feeding his own crazy uncle to the dogs, he knew what he had to do.

A firm believer that people overseas always know better and have superior customs and political systems, President Obama decided it was time to break with the barbaric tradition of throwing people under the bus and start executing them in style, according to these new international norms. The North Korean report further quoted him as saying, “I wish I hadn’t thrown my preacher, Jeremiah Wright, and my white grandmother under the bus; I could now feed them to the dogs.”

The Pyongyang Times editorial alleges that Barack Obama had his Uncle Omar and Auntie Zeituni delivered to an underground chamber beneath the White house, where he let a pack of dogs attack them until they had been completely eaten. The event was said to have been supervised by President Obama himself, along with his 300 czars, political consultants, campaign staff, and one OFA activist who had donated $3 and won a ticket to visit the White House.

Obama was later “greatly dismayed,” the article claims, when he discovered that the story about Kim Jong-un’s uncle’s execution by dogs was merely a satire originating in China. “Boy, do I have egg on my  face!” he was quoted as saying.

Barack Obama, believed to be around 53 years old and born in Hawaii, has been in power for five years and presided over a fundamental transformation of his country into an isolated dictatorship, while tightening his grip on the media, conducting total surveillance of citizens, and persecuting political opposition, The Pyongyang Times editorial claimed, adding that he also “planned and carried out a failed launch of a government website, which is banned under United Nations sanctions.”

The list of accusations included Obama’s persistent military threats and fiery rhetoric that have triggered an arms buildup in Mexico, Central America, and the Middle East.

The fictitious story of Obama feeding his uncle to the dogs was quickly picked up by global news agencies, creating an image that Washington’s audacious ruler is even more unpredictable than previously thought.

According to international observers, one of the pitfalls of reporting on Washington is the absence of independent media, while visiting media are tightly controlled in a city which ranks among the lowest in global surveys of press freedom. Because of the lack of first-hand information, many lurid stories about the Obama regime gain credence and are then repeated by media outlets worldwide.

The Pyongyang Times plans to capitalize on Washington’s lack of transparency even further, promising to publish a series of exposés concerning Barack Obama’s birth certificate, college transcripts, drug abuse, ties to radicals, and membership in uptown Chicago gay bath houses – all of which is being vehemently denied by Washington’s state-run media.

As expected, White House officials declined to comment.