THE PROGRESSIVE’S 8-STEP GUIDE TO FOREIGN POLICY VIA STRONG DIPLOMACY:
1. Announce that the country’s behavior is unacceptable.
2. Should they continue behaving unacceptably, we tell them that their unacceptable behavior cannot be allowed to continue.
3. Should the unacceptable behavior continue anyway, then we tell them that we really mean what we said.
4. If they’re still behaving unacceptably, then we remind them that we really, REALLY do mean what we said, and that we’re not just saying that.
5. Should this result in only more unacceptable behavior, we tell them that this time, we’re serious.
6. If that doesn’t work (and it usually doesn’t, but we Progs pride ourselves on retaining faith in the inherent goodness of our fellow man and our own ability to make others see reason), then we inform them that we may have to consider scheduling an appointment to go to Geneva, where we will meet with fellow peace-loving Progs to discuss the possibility of approaching the U.N. with a request for permission to advise the offending country that we may have to impose sanctions.
7. If that doesn’t work, then with the help of our minions in the news media, we distract the masses from what’s going on with cute photo-ops like the creation of yet another White House initiative like My Brother’s Keeper, and speeches by the First Lady on the crisis of too many moms clogging the grocery aisles as they furrow their brows over nutrition labels and agonize over whether a product has too much or too little riboflavin.
8. If, by this time, the offending country’s unacceptable behavior has spread and can no longer be contained, go back to Step 1 and start over, and have faith that this time, we’ll get different results.