If Muslims want America to Save their Asses Again - Then It's Time They Sign on the Dotted Line

Dear Muslims of the Levant,

We Americans know you enjoy your oil-drenched lives of crass debauchery and fake religiosity. We know that you always pay others to do what you abhor, like work. And, silly us, we are stupid enough to think our benevolence toward you will actually provide an example for you to change your ways.

Well, we Jeffersonian Constitutionalists may be a bit slow, as compared to you desert-traders and your slick negotiation skills honed over almost two millennium, but sooner or later we will wake up and smell the oil!

So, as we Americans see it, you got a couple of choices to make in the next few days. First, you can continue to rant and rave about the “American colonizers” and “Jew pigs,” feeling good about yourselves and looking even more macho before your harem of slave-women. If you make that choice, most likely your Muslim Shia ISIS brothers will be knocking on your door in a couple of weeks and leaving with your head on a pike.

Or, second, you can sign on the dotted line below and we Americans will use our full force and fury to, once again, annihilate your enemies, save your dusty lives and let you get back to serving Allah, traveling in your G5’s and Bentley’s as you vacation at Monte Carlo, sipping on a fabulous Bordeaux, with your hand on the waitress’ butt.

The Choice is Yours! If you want America’s help then, PLEASE READ & SIGN ON THE DOTTED LINE BELOW…

“We Muslims of the Levant ask America to come and save us from our brother Muslims of the Levant and we promise to do the following:”

1. Immediately deliver 10 trillion dollars of gold to the US Treasury;

2. Sign over full control of all oil fields in our countries;

3. Agree that Israel has always been and always will be a nation for the Jewish people;

4. Finally agree that Jerusalem is the Capital of Israel and has nothing to do with Islam;

5. Dismantle the Golden Dome of the Rock and move it to Iran;

6. Open our borders for all Muslims in Israel who want to leave the newly recognized Jewish nation;

7. Divest ownership of American gas stations, or at least clean the bathrooms;

8. Pass a law that says ONLY women are allowed to drive cars in Saudi Arabia

9. Finally, admit that John Esposito is an idiot.

………………………………………………………………
MUSLIMS SIGN HERE

(NB: We don’t really believe that you will sign on the dotted line so as a parting thought be sure to keep those shariah beards properly trimmed…for your head-on-a-pike, debut.)