BREAKING NEWS: South Korea threatens North Korea with gigantic inflated condoms
In a distasteful “up yours” gesture of aggression, South Korean capitalists have staged a hostile and unprovoked attack against peaceful communist North Korea, its caring leadership, and personally Dear Leader Kim Jong-un, by sending an array of menacing condom-shaped balloons over to the glorious workers’ paradise of economic equality, equipped with unhealthy and fattening bourgeois chocolates dangling from the base of the phallic symbols to sweeten the deal.
It is a known fact that chocolate is a drug-like addictive substance, which is why the loving and compassionate North Korean government banned its manufacture and consumption, replacing it with a healthy and non-addictive diet of grass clippings, seaweed, and tree bark with occasional grub meat.
To make things worse, chocolate is packed with calories, saturated fat, and sugar, which are now being banned even in the arch-capitalist United States. In addition to causing headaches, obesity, heart burn, and rectal itching, chocolate also triggers emotional problems like irritability, confusion, anger and mood swings.
Combined with blatantly pornographic balloons, this calculated mix of drugs, sex, and hullabaloo is clearly designed to agitate and disorient North Korean workers and peasants, provoking the least ideologically conscientious of them to stage an uprising against their caring government and Dear Leader himself.
It is understood that if this vulgarity on the border doesn’t stop, the peaceful North Korean military will have no choice but to respond with ballistic missiles shelling the hostile balloon launch sites, which South Korea is cleverly disguising as civilian parking lots.
The bourgeois propaganda organs, obedient to their capitalist masters, have predictably described the lewd provocation as a mere “gift” to the “suffering” people of North Korea, promoting the insidious lie that the toiling masses across the border are somehow “starving” and are “desperate” for their “food.” Below is an example of such ridiculous distortions.
South Korea Sent Thousands of Choco Pies Over North Korea via Balloon
On Wednesday, about 200 South Koreans attached thousands of chocolate snacks to 50 giant balloons and released into North Korea after Pyongyang reportedly banned the coveted treats from the country earlier this month. The pies, which have become popular among hungry North Koreans, are considered as a symbol of capitalism and represent a cultural impact that might encourage an uprising.
“We will continue to send Choco Pie by balloons because it is still one of the most favorite foodstuffs in North Korea,” said Choo Sun-Hee, one of the organisers ofWednesday’s balloon launch.
In response to the activity, Pyongyang has pressed Seoul to stop their people and threatened to shell the launch sites.
