State Announces New Stimulus Package: Ebola Treatment

The USSA Ministry of the State, in conjunction with Department of Forced Labor, has announced a new import program designed to stimulate the People’s Economy and provide thousands of new jobs. According to sources at the White Fortress, the USSA will begin importing Ebola patients from Africa for treatment services and possible immigration in the next few months.

This brilliant plan, conceived by the highest proletarian intellectuals serving the workers and peasants of the USSA as advisers to Comrade Party Chairman and President Barack Barackovich Obama, will lead to the hiring of thousands of new federal workers. Not only will the State use hundreds of medical personnel and unionized healthcare professionals, but thousands of new entry- and mid-level office workers and bureaucrats to administer the various programs that will spring forth from the soil like a newly-planted beet crop!

Only our glorious Democratic Socialist Party can find a way to turn the plague of Ebola into a gift for all American workers and peasants! The disease from foreign shores will soon become another successful Stimulus Package!

In the meantime, The Department of the People’s Defense has acknowledged that People’s Army troops stationed in West Africa, who will likely be forwarding Ebola patients to the USSA, will be quarantined due to their exposure to counter-revolutionary propaganda rather than any disease. The State reminds citizens that Ebola can only be contracted by contact with Republicans and their reactionary body fluids.

Ebola is FDR’s gift to the New America! Ebola treatment will be another successful Stimulus Package!

Faithfully submitted to the Collective of the People’s Cube,
Comrade Nomenklatura-climber
Dialectical Progressivism Translator
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