Islam’s Struggle Against Cartoon Terrorism Offline

Western terror labs have finally produced a weapon so horrific that it has shaken Islamic world to the core, making over a billion people from Morocco to Indonesia fear for the survival of their freedoms, morals, beliefs, cultures, governments, and the very life itself.

The new weapon of terror, the so-called “Cartoon,” is capable of delivering an equivalent of one million Hiroshima bombs, resulting in a horrendous mass destruction like none seen on Earth before.Ahmed Jihad of the Qatar-funded charity Make Bombs, Not Cartoons sadly stated that “This is the end of a tenuous peace between Muslims and Infidels, with only the occasional beheading, open market suicide bomb, or fiery suicide plane mission.”

“I see no way to combat this horrific infidel weapon other than by balanced, fair, and rational hostage-taking, bomb-throwing, and embassy-burning, based on strict Islamic law and mutual understanding of our common goal, which is the Islamization of Earth,” Mr. Jihad added. “These methods have proven efficient in dealing with the West in the past.”Qatar, Yemen, Saudi Arabia, and Iran have been clandestinely working on the “Mother of All Erasers,” in an attempt to control the budding menace of cartoon proliferation.

“You can kill one infidel with a sword, but if he has already published a Mohammed cartoon, the cat is out of the fire, so to speak. With our new eraser technology, we may stand a chance at eliminating the cartoons before the damage is done,” said Rabid Habibi, a member of People for the Unethical Treatment of Infidels.

French, German, and U.K. politicians have already promised to deliver any wayward cartoonists to the proper authorities for beheading.

Said English foreign secretary Jack Straw, “We stand with our Islamist brethren on the precipice of an escalation from the current calm discourse to a world in which cartoons are free to offend willy-nilly, resulting in the need for retaliation against infidels on a broad scale. We in the West understand this, and will do our part to maintain the peace.”

In the U.S., Howard Dean and John Kerry plan to hold special hearings on the matter, and are proposing a bill criminalizing the depiction of all Islamic religious figures.

A probe is underway to determine the extent to which the Bush Administration knew about these cartoons prior to their publication.