Jihadist: ‘I view porn for the articles’
Rabid Habibi: Yes, I read them for the articles.
Cube: Of course. How do you respond to the allegation that according to NSA documents made public by Edward Snowden, countless “radicals” have called for jihad by day but watched porn by night?
Rabid Habibi: Like you said, they viewed it for the articles.
Cube: I can see that. Still, how do you explain that with all this obsession with porn, most Muslims surveyed by Gallup say they disapprove of porn and castigate the West for producing it?
Rabid Habibi: What do you mean, “most”? All Muslims disapprove of porn! Otherwise they are apostates and must be beheaded.
Cube: Right. Then what are you doing here with the porn magazines?
Rabid Habibi: Like you said, I read them for the articles.
Cube: But the Navy SEALs who killed Osama bin Laden also found a big stash of modern porn in his possession. How do you explain that?
Rabid Habibi: That’s easy. He read them for the articles.
Cube: But the 9/11 jihadists also visited strip clubs, requested lap dances, and paid for prostitutes in their motel rooms in Boston, Las Vegas and Florida. And so did the “holy man” imam Anwar Al-Awlaki, who had mentored some of them and other would-be jihadis. The story says he ate a lot of pizza and visited a lot of prostitutes.
Rabid Habibi: So what? I also buy a lot of pizza and visit prostitutes. We read these magazines, eat pizza, and discuss the articles.
Cube: The story also says that police raids of terrorist cells in Britain, Italy and Spain have yielded countless images of hard-core child pornography.
Rabid Habibi: Yes, children are a blessing. We must reach their souls before they reach puberty.
Cube: It also says that jihadis often embed secret coded messages into shared pornography and onto pedophile websites. And German police has found more than 100 al Qaeda documents concerning terrorist plots embedded within a porn video hidden in a suspect’s underwear.
Rabid Habibi: This only proves they view it for the articles.
Cube: How do you respond to London Mayor Boris Johnson’s description of jihadis as “porn driven losers” who have “low self-esteem and are unsuccessful with women”?
Rabid Habibi: Now, that’s stupid. How can he say that a man who owns several wives and sex slaves is unsuccessful with women? I call it very successful! It’s the London Mayor who has low self-esteem because he doesn’t own several wives and sex slaves. I call it a “sore loser.” He’s jealous of other people’s success and wants to deny this opportunity to others.
Cube: Speaking of which, the story also says ISIS fighters are buying frilly underwear for their wives and sex slaves – and subjecting them to abnormal and sadistic sexual practices. Could they have learned this perversity from viewing porn?
Rabid Habibi: One man’s “abnormal” is another man’s misunderstood cultural tradition. ISIS is only trying to build an ideal society as envisioned by Prophet Mohammed (PBUH), so who are you to call it perverse and abnormal? I find such talk extremely offensive. I bet you’re one of those extremists Obama is talking about.
Cube: I’m not, but I see how you can get confused, since Obama never defines who the extremists are or what motivates them – jihad or maybe collecting stamps. By the way, the article also suggests we stop calling jihadis “Islamic terrorists” and rather describe them as “porn hounds.” Would you find that less offensive?
Rabid Habibi: Now, that’s a step in the right direction. Nobody sends drones against porn addicts. One man’s porno flick is another man’s documentary about his future life in paradise with pizza and prostitutes. Maybe Obama will give us money for treatment and tells his troops in Iraq to build clinics for porn addicts.
Cube: That’s not what The New York Post means. Have you read that article?
Rabid Habibi: Not really. I find The New York Post articles abnormal. I’m very particular about what articles I read.
Cube: Thank you, and good luck with your article-driven endeavors.
EDITORS NOTE: This column originally appeared on The Peoples Cube.
