The Islamic State has issued a fatwa telling its U.S. based soldiers to stop all attacks on Pamela Geller and begin targeting homosexuals who marry. The Islamic State has begun a nation wide effort to gain access to gay marriage licences so as to identify gay couples across America.
According to a U.S. based Islamic State spokesman from Chicago, who wishes to remain anonymous:
This decision by the U.S. Supreme Court to legalize gay marriage is the work of Allah and the Profit Mohammed, may peace be upon him.
It is very difficult and dangerous to target Pamela Geller, members of the FBI and law enforcement. We have lost many brothers in our efforts. This SCOTUS decision now allows us to easily find and target homosexuals for slaughter as is required by Qur’an (7:80-84) – “…For ye practice your lusts on men in preference to women: ye are indeed a people transgressing beyond bounds…. And we rained down on them a shower (of brimstone)”. Sharia law teaches us that homosexuality is a vile form of fornication, punishable by death.
In the Middle East we throw homosexuals off of roof tops. Unfortunately we do not have very tall buildings in Iraq and Syria. When we throw a homosexual off a roof we must then stone him after he hits the ground. This takes up a lot of time and Islamic State resources.
However, in America there are many tall buildings, such as the new World Trade Center, where we can send these sodomites flying.
We will begin our nation wide campaign to cleanse America of these sodomites during Ramadan 2016. Allah Akbar!
The Democratic National Campaign Committee in a press release stated, “Islam is the religion of peace. The Islamic State is not Islamic. We work closely with our Muslim friends to further their causes at the local, state and national levels. We are concerned about the loss of any homosexual as this reduces our gay voting block. We ask the Islamic State not to begin their slaughter of homosexuals until after the 2016 Presidential elections.”
President Obama during a Rose Garden press conference on the SCOTUS gay marriage vote said, “We understand that our Muslim brothers and sisters do not agree with this decision. However, Allah willing, we will come together in peace and tranquility. Islam is tolerant and embraces multiculturalism. Of course in Nigeria, my place of birth, our Muslim brothers are misguided as they slaughter our gay friends. This work place violence must stop in the name of Allah!”
The Council on American Islamic Relations (CAIR) notes, “The same rules on homosexuals don’t apply in paradise, where martyrs for the cause of Allah enjoy an orgy of virgins and “perpetual youth” Qur’an (56:17) (otherwise known as “boys” Qur’an (52:24)). Qur’an (76:19) bluntly states, “And immortal boys will circulate among them, when you see them you will count them as scattered pearls.” Technically, the mere presence of boys doesn’t necessarily mean sex, however it is strongly implied from the particular emphasis on the effeminacy, handsomeness and “freshness” of the boys. The female virgins of paradise are also compared to pearls (56:23).
Pope Francis after learning of the Islamic State fatwa said, “Who am I to judge?”
Caitlyn (formerly known as Bruce) Jenner, the face of the LGBTQ movement, has asked for police protection. Vanity Fair has destroyed all copies of the edition depicting Jenner so as not to incite the Muslim community.
EDITORS NOTE: While this column is political satire in the United States, it is a horrible reality in those lands controlled by the Islamic State and its allies.