Bill Clinton launches ‘Johns for Hillary’ campaign

After Hillary Clinton’s win in Nevada, due in part to the Hookers for Hillary (HfH) initiative, Bill has decided to launch the Johns for Hillary (JfH) campaign.

In a press release former President Clinton stated:

I am pleased that Hillary did so well in Nevada. I believe that we need to reach out to all those who are involved in the prostitution business. Not just the hookers but also their customers. There are many registered Democrats, Independents and Republicans who have used the services of the ladies of the night and they need a strong voice in a Hillary Clinton administration.

This is our chance to cross party lines!

Their needs must be addressed by those who have spent their hard earned money paying for a woman’s affections. When Hillary is elected president we will propose subsidizing prostitution, particularly for the poor working class men in America. We believe that by doing so we will reduce the number of rapes of women by men and the divorce rate in America.

By giving men an outlet, to be covered under Hillarycare 2.0, we will see everyone satisfied both those lying down and taking it and those dishing it out.

I am proud to announce the the Executive Director of the Johns for Hillary campaign is our good friend and seven term New York Congressman Anthony David Weiner.

Anthony Weiner takes reporters questions during a Johns for Hillary news conference. (AP Photo/Kathy Willens)

Anthony Weiner in a press release noted:

I am honored to lead the Johns for Hillary campaign. As an expert in ‘sexting’ I plan on using social media to reach out to those men, who like my mentor Bill Clinton, have urgent special needs. Please like our Facebook page, join our Twitter effort #JohnsForHillary, hookup with us on LinkedIn and add us to your Google+ circle.

My wife Huma has for years prostituted herself for Hillary, its time men do the same. Johns of the world unite for Hillary! Together we will return the Clinton’s to the White House, which will have its doors painted red after Hillary’s inauguration.

The National Organization for Women (NOW) has endorsed the effort to protect prostitutes vaginas and has joined with Planned Parenthood to make available condoms available to every John, their sons and grandsons who join JfH. NOW and PP will be handing out free condoms at the Democratic National Convention being held in Philadelphia on July 25-28, 2016. NOW and PP in a short statement wrote, “HfH/JfH are now, no pun intended, part of our effort to stop the Republican war on women. Keep government out of whore houses, and other unspeakable locations on the female body.”

The “Johns for Hillary” initiative, has drafted a four point platform:

  1. Protecting health care reform – Hillary Clinton, as part of her husband’s administration, envisioned health care reform in the 1990s. Left out of that health coverage, a so called donut hole, is single payer (no pun intended) medical coverage for Johns. Johns for Hillary will be working to provide free condoms, lower the cost KY Jelly and provide government subsidized sex toys, including whips, chains and selected electronic stimulation devices.
  2. Foreign policy experience – As Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton gained invaluable experience negotiating with the 49 foreign leaders whose governments have legalized prostitution such as: Argentina, Armenia, Australia, Austria, Kyrgyzstan and Latvia, many of whom have donated to the Hillary in 2016 campaign.
  3. Support for agencies that protect the public’s health – men need protection,  from widespread diseases carried by whores. It is important that Johns be given Medicaid coverage should they contract herpes, HIV and other venereal diseases.
  4. Prevention of a return to supply side economics – Bill Clinton presided over the most prosperous time for Johns. It is now time for some tax relief for Johns. Johns for Hillary will be pushing for a universal tax deduction for prostitutes and related sexual services at places such as the Bunny Ranch in Nevada. This tax deduction will help jump start the moribund economy.

Hundreds of Johns for Hillary will be out in force this weekend in support of Clinton. Among them will be noted personalities who have solicited a prostitute including: Tiger Woods, Hugh Grant, Charlie Sheen, Jerry Springer, Eddie Murphy, Ted Haggard, Danny Bonaduce, D’Angelo, Wayne Rooney and Lamar Odom.

“This eclectic group of men show how deep, no pun intended, the Johns for Hillary movement truly is,” noted Weiner.

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire appeared in numerous magazines such as Hustler, Playboy and the Islamic States Inspire magazine.

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