In what many political pundits are calling a “brilliant” and “inspired” move by the Hillary campaign, the former first lady has chosen Al Gore to be the third female vice presidential candidate in electoral history. Back in the spotlight, Al Gore explained how it all happened.
“It was just one of those meetings destined by fate,” said Gore. “I was standing in line at the ladies’ restroom at Target when all of a sudden I see Hillary in front of me. So I said, ‘Hey, are you Hillary Clinton?’ and she told me she was. And I was like, ‘You won’t believe this, but I used to work for your husband.’ When she asked me what I did, I told her I was the vice president for eight years, and she just lit up like a Christmas tree. She almost fell over when she found out I got a medal for savin’ the planet.”
“The timing couldn’t have been better,” said Hillary. “I mean, here I am standing in line at the restroom saving the children, fighting for the American working family, and wondering about my choices for a VP, and along comes a woman with eight years of experience. It was one of those ‘Praise Gaia!’ moments for me.”
A reporter asked Al Gore if he was, in fact, actually a man. “Well, I was the other day,” replied Gore, “but this whole bathroom issue got me to thinkin’ whether I wasn’t really a woman. When I decided to stand in line for the ladies’ room, everything felt so right. I knew I had made the right decision about my gender, and I’ve never felt so liberated. Tipper supports me all the way.”
When asked if the presence of four Tennessee Titan cheerleaders and a masseuse in the same line affected his decision to bypass the men’s room, Gore assured everyone that it was “purely coincidental”. “Truth be told, I just found the men’s room too inconvenient,” quipped the former VP. Margo, one of the cheerleaders, had mixed feelings, “Like, I dunno, it was kinda like, I dunno, creepy? or something? You know? I dunno. Oh, selfie!”
But not all Democrats are sharing the joy. “It’s totally unfair,” fumed Bernie Sanders. “How come he gets two genders when the average fast food worker at McDonald’s only gets one? As president, I will make sure everybody gets two genders and I’m going to make Big Deodorant pay for it.”
“This is truly a historical moment,” said Hillary. “For the first time in the history of this country, we are ready for two women to occupy the White House, and that gives the average American something to vote for.”
EDITORS NOTE: This political satire originally appeared on The Peoples Cube.