Obama administration buys Samsung exploding phones, re-brands them ‘Allah Akbar 9/11’

The Obama administration, in an effort to fight against the negative press of the “Obamaphone”, has decided to purchase 4 million Samsung Galaxy Note 7 phones.

The administration has renamed them the “Allah Akbar” phone in honor of the Muslim Eid al-Fitr holiday which begins on September 11, 2016.

Sam Byford in his column “Samsung recalls Galaxy Note 7 worldwide due to exploding battery fears” reported:

Samsung has announced an unprecedented recall of the Galaxy Note 7 just weeks after launching the well-received smartphone. Sales have been halted globally, and over the coming weeks Samsung will issue replacements to anyone affected. The issue is related to the phone’s battery, with some scattered reports that the cell can explode while charging; Samsung says 35 Note 7 handsets have been found with the issue, or 24 per million sold.

In an effort to help Samsung the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (DHHS) has decided to purchase all of the defective exploding Galaxy 7 phones. According to a spokesman for Sylvia Mathews Burwell, Secretary of DHHS:

This is a great opportunity to serve the poor community by giving them brand new Samsung Galaxy Note 7 smart phones. We got these phones at a great price, saving taxpayer dollars.

We have decided to rename the phones the “Allah Akbar 9/11” phone in honor of the Muslim Eid al-Fitr holiday which begins on September 11, 2016.

What better way to kill two birds with one stone, no pun intended.

We can now provide the poor, especially inter-city blacks, with the latest in smart phone technology and at the same time celebrate a Muslim holiday.

It doesn’t get any better than this.

The Council on American Islamic Relations (CAIR), a Saudi Arabia and United Arab Republics designated terrorist group, welcomed this effort by President Obama and DHHS. In a press release CAIR noted:

As we approach the annual Muslim Eid al-Fitr holiday it is welcome news that President Obama will be making available the Allah Akbar 9/11 phones to those in need. Many will be going to recently arrived Muslim refugees from Syria.

There is no better way to celebrate this important Muslim holiday than with some fireworks, no pun intended.

Hillary Clinton, after being released from a local hospital, at a hastily called press conference where the press was denied access, said, “As Secretary of State I have lost multiple smart phones containing highly classified materials. I am please that President Obama has made available the Allah Akbar 9/11 phones to the poor, like me. Bill and I will be picking up  our free Allah Akbar 9/11 phones this week from the local DHHS office in Washington, D.C. We like free stuff!”

Donald Trump at a campaign stop noted, “Hope Hillary doesn’t lose this phone!”

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire originally appeared in the Not So Smartphone Magazine.

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