Top 13 Things that Didn’t Happen in 2016

In this New Year edition of No News – Good News we are happy to inform our readers that the following things did not occur this year:

• FBI: Santa disclosed ‘naughty list’ on WikiLeaks, “Helped Trump win election”; Obama expels Rudolph, Prancer, Vixen, and 35 elves in retaliation
• California builds wall to keep out Trump supporters
• Bernie supporters stunned there is no socialist Santa Claus, vow to continue demanding free chocolate cookies, milk
• Washington Post sues Internet for infringing on ‘fake news’ business
• Controversy in the lab: white mold excludes black mold; Harvard biologist blames
• ‘Petri dish cultures of hate’
• Scientific News: Long after 1961 burial physicists uncertain Schrödinger is dead
• Negative yielding bonds send sheep shearing futures soaring
• Venezuelan Children cook and eat their own Christmas toys
• Sexed-up Mother Russia becomes Milf Russia; Motherland renamed into Milfland on Putin’s orders
• North Korea abandons cashless economy plan after learning citizens already have no cash
• Russian hacker made me change my vote: confession of a Hillary voter
• RELATED NEWS: Russian hackers hack FBI report on Russian hacking to make it look stupid
• Nibiru joins Nation of Islam, renames itself Planet X
• Convergence nears: 3-D printer prints 3-D printer

Please compare it with our prediction of the top 16 things that weren’t going to happen in 2016 and see how right we were – again!

It has become our New Year tradition to publish a list of things that didn’t happen this year, prepared with equal contributions from Comrade Will Beria.

See the lists from previous years:

• Top Ten Things That Didn’t Happen in 2012
• Top Twelve Things that Didn’t Happen in 2013
• Top 15 things that didn’t happen in 2014
• Top Ten Things That will Happen in 2015
• Top 16 things that won’t happen in 2016

EDITORS NOTE: This fake news political satire by Red Square originally appeared on The Peoples Cube.

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