In a column titled “Witches Unite to Cast ‘Binding Spell’ on Trump and Followers” Breitbart’s Dr. Thomas D. Williams, Ph.D. reports:
A group of witches is attempting to use black magic to neutralize U.S. President Donald Trump by casting a “binding spell” to prevent him from governing.
The “mass spell to bind Donald Trump” will be performed at midnight on every waning crescent moon beginning Friday, February 24, “until Donald Trump is removed from office,” the group’s website states.
The mass ritual will allegedly be repeated again March 26, April 24, May 23, June 21 (the summer solstice), July 21, and August 19.
The spell also invokes evil on “those who abet” Trump, which would seem to appear to cover his staff and political nominees, and perhaps the millions who voted for him as well.
The coven of devil worshipers sent invitations to Barack and Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer to participate in the “binding spell” ceremony. However, due to scheduling conflicts all four sent staffers, a.k.a. best witches, to attend, observe and worship the devil in their place. The Obama’s former pastor Reverend Jeremiah Wright was not invited according to unnamed CNN sources.
According to the Free Witchcraft Spells website:
Sometimes simple spells can be the best spells. They may not feel quite as magickal [sic] as a really elaborate ritual, but many witches feel they can focus more on their intentions if they are not worrying about all the details.
Free Witchcraft has a spell for those who wish to “Bury and Banish” someone. The B&B spell, not to be confused with a Bed & Breakfast establishment, goes like this:
If there is someone in your life that you would like to not be involved with anymore, this is the spell for you. All you need is a black sheet of paper. Black construction paper is likely the easiest to find and will work fine.
Write the person’s name in the middle, and it doesn’t matter if you can’t actually read it. It just has to be there. Fold the paper up as small as you can. Take it outside and bury it in the ground. Once it’s buried, say the following out loud:
Into the ground
You can’t be found
You’re not around
I can’t heard your sound
Step over the place you’ve buried the paper, and that person will soon fade from your life.
Walmart, K-Mart and Save-a-Lot stores are reporting a sudden spike in sales of black construction paper in Chicago, New York City, Los Angeles, San Francisco and Seattle.
The American Forest & Paper Association in a short statement notes, “Donald Trump has been good for paper manufacturing. The President is making good on his promise to grow the economy. Our members indicate that they will be adding over 1,000 jobs just to keep up with demand for our paper products. Hire American, buy American!”
A spokesman at the Black Lives Matter national headquarters issued the following press release concerning the binding and bury and banish spells:
While we appreciate the support of all witches and warlocks, we are concerned that the Bury and Banish spell uses black construction paper.
We believe this is racist and xenophobic. We have asked witches not bury black construction paper. Rather they should bury white folks and police officers in the ground.
This saves our trees, while reducing the world population by getting rid of racist pigs and their white privileged enablers, a.k.a. Trump voters.
This kills two birds with one stone. No pun intended
One of those who is “abetting” President Trump noted, “Does it seem like the Democrats are celebrating Halloween every day since November 8th, 2016?”
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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire and fake news story originally appeared in Witch Craft Magazine.