Millions on disability after not being given solar eclipse glasses

As the total solar eclipse of August 21, 2017 comes to an end, we have seen an unprecedented surge in claims for government support based on the premise that people are now blind. We all know that this was, in fact, a racist solar eclipse, since there were a disproportionate number of non-whites outside of the path of totality.

While the ACLU files discrimination lawsuits against the sun, the masses are overwhelming the People’s Department of Labor. The sun was not equally blocked for all people, as it should have been. This, combined with not being given solar-filtered glasses for eclipse-viewing has caused a systemic eye-damage problem resulting in blindness for everyone outside the path of totality. Therefore no one but those in the path of totality are required to work again.

A special thanks goes out to dear comrade Clara Illbustyourballs Zetkin for bringing to our attention how non-equal this eclipse was. We know this is against the current truths, and must do everything we can to stop it.

RELATED ARTICLE: Michael Moore offers more eclipses

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire by Vladimir Poutine originally appeared on The Peoples Cube. The featured image is titled Blindfolded by photoutopia

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