EEOC defines women’s perfume as non-verbal sexual assault

The U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), a federal agency that administers and enforces civil rights laws against workplace discrimination, has recently amended its guidelines on sexual harassment by adding women’s perfume as an especially hazardous subcategory of invisible sexual assault.

Please amend your guidelines with the following insert.

With definitive and clearly restrictive City, County, State or Federal regulations, women’s perfumed scents fall under the definition of unwelcome sexual advances, non-verbal requests for sexual favors, and other non-verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature, all of which constitutes sexual harassment.

Unwelcome does not mean “involuntary.” A victim may consent or agree to certain conduct and actively participate in it even though it is offensive and objectionable. Therefore, sexual conduct is unwelcome whenever the person subjected to it considers it unwelcome or sexually offensive.

These scents have been documented to flow freely in the air, polluting the victim’s perfume-free safe zone with impunity and without any consequences to the offender. Given the perfume’s blatantly heterosexual origins in the sexist and racist periods of human history, it is also highly discriminatory and non-inclusive of many other gender identifications.

The assault by perfume is always intentional, as these scents are knowingly designed to seek attention and marketed as a cis-heterosexual woman’s predatory implements to provoke, lure, tempt, entice, attract, induce, seduce, coax, persuade, inveigle, allure, ensnare, cajole, beguile, and bewitch.

Being the equivalent of Odysseus’s Sirens (the sea nymphs who lured sailors to their death with a bewitching song), women’s perfume has now been officially categorized by the EEOC as non-verbal sexual assault, which is always uncalled for, unsolicited, unwanted, undeserved, sexist, overbearing, territorial, terrorizing, emasculating, perverse, and oppressive.

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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire by bobvanhoven originally appeared on The Peoples Cube.  

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