Unnamed sources have leaked to the New York Times that Special Council Robert Mueller will be issuing 62,984,828 indictments on Monday, May 21st, 2018. According to the unnamed source in the Justice Department:
Special Council Mueller will be issuing over 62 million indictments for those who colluded with the Trump Campaign and then voted for Donald J. Trump for president.
The investigation has determined that, although none of those indicted are citizens of Russia, they “materially colluded” to elect an un-electable man to become President of the United States. The indictments will be released on Monday, May 21st, 2018, which is the date of the 1st Democratic National Convention in Baltimore, Maryland in 1832.
This is the largest indictment issued since the internment of Japanese Americans during WW II under Franklin D. Roosevelt, a Democrat.
The Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA), according to unnamed sources, is creating internment/re-education camps for those indicted, pending trial. The camps will be run by members of the Democratic National Committee. A FEMA spokesperson, a gender neutral term, warned:
We have a major task in front of us. We are consulting with the government of North Korea to help us set up internment camps for political dissidents. These internment camps will be located in those states that put Trump into the White House. These camps will be designated as “Kwalliso” (Korean for penal labor colonies).
Those interred will be barred from voting in the November 2016 midterm elections for the safety of the nation.
In order to make additional room for these Trump voters we have reached an agreement with the states of California and New York to release all illegal aliens and MS13 gang members to make additional cell space available immediately.
Former FBI director James Comey has been hired to oversee these penal labor colonies.
A spokesperson, a gender neutral term, for former President Obama’s Organizing for Action/Resist movement said:
We are pleased with the actions that will be taken by Mr. Mueller on Monday. It is time to stop the dismantling of Barack’s legacy. These indictments are long overdue. It is time to rid America of all the misogynistic, homophobic, God and gun loving voters.
This is a fist step in ethnic cleaning of those on the voting roles who were misguided enough to vote for Trump.
Hillary Clinton in a short statement noted:
I blame those who voted for Trump for my decline and falling, no pun intended.
Michelle Obama said she was, “happy that those women who voted for Trump will be purged. No woman is eligible to vote who doesn’t vote Democrat and for the blue wave in 2018! Better dead than red!”
Donald J. Trump Jr. tweeted:
EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by Anonymous first appeared on CNN and Saturday Night Live.