PROGULOGIES – The Hot New Party Game!

PROGULOGIES™ (prog-yoo-lo-jeez) is the great new interactive Party game any Progressive can play and enjoy!

PROGULOGIES™ is a game for three or more people. You can play it anywhere with your fellow progs—at Starbucks, Democrat fundraisers and rallies, Senate confirmation hearings for conservative SCOTUS justices—anywhere progs gather! You can even play it online from the comfort of your parents’ basement, as we shall demonstrate here.

You don’t need dice or a board. All you need are good Progressive values, the ability to virtue-signal, and of course, deep visceral hatred of Donald J. Trump and all he stands for. But I repeat myself.

One player is chosen to be The Deceased. The others will take turns eulogizing (or progulogizing) The Deceased.

The object of the game is to progulogize The Deceased by trashing Trump—but without mentioning Trump’s name—because seriously, who wants to make a celebration of one’s life, or any occasion, for that matter, all about Trump?

Nothing poops a party like the mention of his name.

For demo purposes here, I, Pinkie, will play the part of The Deceased. Anyone who comments below will progulogize me by bashing Trump, without mentioning his name but leaving no doubt in anyone’s mind that he’s the one being bashed.

Any player who mentions his name and says anything even remotely positive about him (e.g., by stupidly confusing good things about The Deceased with him) is automatically The Loser. The Loser is not only eliminated from the game, but from The Party, all good society, and life in general. The Loser will be denounced and subject to show trial in a separate game we’ve already been playing for years. Losers on this thread will be whacked with my shovel and expected to apologize and make the appropriate reparations.

Once everyone has had a chance to progulogize The Deceased, why, you just pick someone new and start all over. We can have fun for HOURS! I mean, we’re progs—it’s not as if we have jobs to go to or anything.

Suggestions for improving the game-playing experience are welcome. The important thing is to Get Trump!

Commissarka Pinkie is a longtime contributor to The People’s Cube, and is dedicated to raising awareness of how much she cares. When she isn’t busy making an issue out of everything, she enjoys jumping on bandwagons, spending other people’s money, and searching tirelessly for something to offend her. 

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by Commissarka Pinkie originally appeared in The Peoples Cube.

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