Washington, DC — The 85-year-old Supreme Court Justice Ruth Ginsburg, who recently suffered injuries from a fall and has had a number of health issues, may soon get an upgrade to Ginsburg 2.0 due to recent breakthroughs in medical and robotics technology.
A somewhat frail Ginsburg is currently undergoing tests as a candidate to become a cyborg, a half-human/half-robot being, a notion that until recently belonged to the realm of science fiction. Dr. Claude Bertuzzi, an expert cyborgologist at the Karl Marx Treatment Center, will lead the team of specialists converting Justice Ginsburg into what he likes to call “The Ginsborg.”
Dr. Bertuzzi assured reporters of the safety of the procedure, saying, “I can guarantee she will be no nuttier than she is now.”
According to unnamed sources, this extremely expensive, ground-breaking procedure is funded by a coalition of parties known as KeepOurRuth.org, a secretive organization with ties to Google, Planned Parenthood, and the ACLU.
A KeepOurRuth.org spokesperson held a press conference this morning with the following statement about the procedure’s purpose and potential benefits. “We all know she’s been a bit wobbly the last few years, but we need her on the Supreme Court. Since we can’t possibly pass most of our revolutionary ideas in Congress, we need like-minded jurists in the courts to force those ideas on a grateful public. We’ve been doing that at the Federal Judiciary level for decades, but the Supreme Court is like a weapon of mass destruction for this type of stuff. They can really put a smack-down on all this ‘rule of law’ nonsense if properly staffed. A Ginsburg Cyborg could stay on the court indefinitely as long as spare parts are available.”
The spokesperson went on to say, “We’re also looking at the same procedure for other prominent but decrepit stalwarts of our causes. I won’t say who is next, but don’t be surprised if someday you see ‘I’m Still With Her: 3016’ bumper stickers on the flying car hovering in front of you.”
EDITORS NOTE: This political satire by Panem Et Circenses originally appeared on The Peoples Cube.