Google China’s New Motto: ‘Zuǒpiēzi’ [Doing The Left Thing]

Google’s CEO Pichai Sundararajan, a.k.a Sundar Pichai, after meeting with senior Chinese officials has decided to change its corporate logo and motto for Gǔgē zhōngguó (Google China).

A Google China spokesperson, a gender neutral title, in an interview with Xinhua News Agency (New China News) stated:

We are proud to be working with the Chinese government to enhance our Google China search engine version 1983. We will now be able to track every Chinese citizen and monitor their Bù jié de xiǎngfǎ (unclean thoughts, a.k.a. crime think).

We can now predict when an incident of Fànzuì sīxiǎng (crime think) is about to occur. When Google China discovers that someone, a gender neutral term, is not thinking the way the state desires they will be immediately arrested and sent to a Hǎo sīxiǎng xùnliàn yíng (Good Think Camp).

Trigger words like freedom (and its synonyms ability, opportunity, right, free rein, laissez faire), liberty (and its synonyms independence, opportunity, prerogative, self-determination, self-government), profit and capitalism have been designated as key indicators of crime think.

We will work with the Chinese government to prevent anything that allows anyone, a gender neutral term, to right think (a.k.a. good think).

Left think rules!

An unnamed CNN source, a gender neutral term, indicates that the states of California, New York and Congresswoman elect Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) are looking at implementing a version of Google China, known as Google Minus or G – (version 1984). According to CNN:

Google Minus (G -) version 1984 is dedicated to deleting every instance of Crime Think in America. By ending Crime Think proponents believe that they can finally put an end to thinking itself before the 2020 presidential election cycle.

Our financial reporter Red Square states, “The hottest investment you can make today is the new Google subdivision called Google Minus, dedicated to deleting every instance of CrimeThink on your screens and hard copy until only GoodThink remains.”

We wish Google Minus Èyùn!

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire originally appeared in Pravda USA (a.k.a. TNYT). The featured image is by Red Square from The Peoples Cube.

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