ProgPaper: The Ultimate Safe Space for GoodThink

Good news, Comrades!

I am authorised by the Ministry of Truth to announce that victory over the mind is within our grasp. 

As you know, our organisations are proceeding fast to cancel out all forms of Thoughtcrime™. They are using their influence to block notorious antisocial elements (like the Russian saboteur Oleg Atbashian) from Facebook. We are succeeding with the implementation of NewSpeak version 15b, comprising gender-neutral pronouns. The production of Fake news by CNN has gone up 76% in all relevant sectors this past year.

But now, thanks to new technology, we are nearing the final solution to the “think” problem. German engineers and Silicon Valley slaves interns have created a revolution in the printing industry. 

By adding certain pre-programmed nanobots to paper, it will be impossible to write down anything that is even remotely anti-progressive. This new technology will be called ProgPaper™. Combined with an equally important new socialist-ideas-only form of ink (called ThInkStop™, we are now able to prevent anyone on earth from writing down an idea we oppose.

The Ministry ran some tests, and the results are remarkable. Once a CrimeThink™ idea is printed, the nanobots in the paper and ink go to work to make the message GoodThink™. Take for example this sentence:

“Obama was not a good president”. Now, if you print this on ProgPaper™ with ThInkStop™ cartridges, you get:


The technology is not perfect yet, but we must agree that it is a great step forward. ProgPaper™ can also used to smother non-socialist ideas at the printing press of major newspapers. For example this archived cover:


Soon, we will no longer need Facebook/Google/Twitter to use mind control. Even the conservative fools running illegal printing presses in the basements of their crumbling communities will create socialist propaganda, whether they want it or not. Every schoolbook, every groceries list, every birthday card will be used to spread our message. And then our victory over the mind will be finally complete.

Your comrade, 

PS: I almost forgot to mention the best part: using ProgPaper is not monopolising! After all, you are still able to communicate by chiselling out stone tablets or by using smoke-messages. So conservatives shouldn’t whine, right? If you don’t like our ProgPaper, make your own parchment or write on animal skins. You’re free to choose. Just like with facebook/google/twitter!

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire by Minitrue first appeared on The Peoples Cube on January 26, 2018. It is appropriate to GoodThink it (no pun intended).

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