Diverse members of the Cube kollektive! Everybody knows that it is now the ”in” thing to be woke. Being woke is being korrekt, and being korrekt is being woke. Wokeness has certain markers, and I have carefully taken a long time looking at all of the evidence, and have thus determined that all evidence points to the fact that we at the People’s Cube are not just woke – we’re still woke, and have always been woke. We were woke before everyone else was woke. We are the forefront pioneers of wokeness.
The evidence is undeniable:
Attention to current events. Our search for the most current truth never stops. Thus, before Chicago declared Obama’s birthday to be a holiday, we’ve been drinking beet vodka and throwing cool parties at Tractor Barn #2 on this day since 2008. Take that, newly woke people!!
Representation. No one represents more minority groups than we do – including dead historical personages, singular brains and other body parts, all sorts of mammals, inanimate objects, and household appliances, especially toasters, which one of us has married. For good measure of an example: I myself am the People’s State-approved minority furry trash <3. Enough said.
Mindless obedience. One can’t be called woke without a blind and unconditional acceptance of the word and the divine authority of the Party, the State, and the Media. Our members never tire of korrekting each other’s thinking and denouncing the guilty of wrongthink.
Leaders of tomorrow. We at the People’s Cube have developed the concept of The Glorious World of Next Tuesday™. While everyone focuses on the here and now, our focus is on the future, which makes us the pioneers of wokeness. While others follow, we seize the front and tell you what to think. We tell you who’s on the korrekt side of history and who is not – because we’ve seen the future and ran away. It’s therefore not a coincidence that society, and life always imitates/emulates The People’s Cube. Always.
Have you Cubists found more evidence? Kindly submit it into the replies below.
EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The People’s Anthony Sullivan originally appeared on The Peoples Cube. It is republished with permission.