Elizebeth Warren takes her dog Wahanassatta campaigning

Democratic Massachusetts Sen. Elizabeth Warren, who is a self-identified hominoid, has a new anthropomorphized advocate on the campaign trail – and Donald Trump Jr. says it’s proof that she is struggling to resonate with her homo sapiens base as a bipedal homo erectus.

Warren, who declared her intention to seek the 2020 Democratic nomination last month, has been taking her cis-quadrupedal, self-identified canine companion, Wahanassatta, with her to campaign stops, in order to highlight her secondary anthropoid characteristics. 

Looking at Warren’s dog and then back at Warren enables Bipedal-Americans to compare the two and notice that Warren doesn’t have any facial fur and that she has two opposable thumbs – something that may have eluded them in the past. This allows Warren to interact with her hominoid base by posting the dog’s “selfies” online and promoting Wahanassatta the Spokesdog’s exposure on human social media. 

By doing so, Senator Warren prompts her intellectual voter base to ask, “how can a dog take selfies if it doesn’t have opposable thumbs?” That’s where Warren steps in and explains that this is what homo sapiens call “humor” and presents her own opposable thumbs for observation. After the joke is explained they all have a good laugh, accompanied by a subliminal reinforcement of positive emotions.

While Warren doesn’t appear to have created the social media account herself, there is a Twitter account dedicated to Wahanassatta Warren that routinely growls at President Donald Trump and promotes policies supported by the humanoid Massachusetts Senator. 

Warren herself shares Instagram posts from the campaign trail using a hand-held camera to post Wahanassatta’s authentic dog perspective on all the issues vital to the nation.

(RELATED: Elizabeth Warren’s ‘No PAC-Money’ Pledge Has A Built In Escape Hatch)

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by Margaret originally appeared on The Peoples Cube. It is republished with shits and grins.

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