Biden: ‘I Am The Only Candidate Who Can Beat Ronald Reagan’

HOUSTON, TX—Fresh off his afternoon nap, presidential candidate Joe Biden gave a fiery, high-energy speech in Houston today, claiming to be the only candidate who could beat incumbent Ronald Reagan.

“I am the only candidate who can unite the party to defeat Reagan,” he said to scattered applause. “When Super Thursday hits here in a few weeks, we can rally the 150 million Democrats here in the great country of Texas to vote for me so we can get Reagan and his crony Dick Cheney off the Iron Throne there in the Imperial Senate. Go Hoosiers!”

Aides scrambled to turn off Biden’s mic but he beat them away with his walker.

“The time has come for the reign of Tippecanoe and Tyler too to end!” he shouted, though by this point he had wandered into a nearby field and no one could hear him.


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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee column is republished with permission. © All rights reserved.

3 replies
  1. Esther Egan
    Esther Egan says:

    I wonder who Biden will have as his running mate. We need to be very careful as when he can no longer function as a President his running mate may be doing the running of the country. If he chooses Hillary she will finally by default become President and we are in big, huge problems. She has said she is not running, but she could be lying just as Bill did when he served our country.

  2. rblack
    rblack says:

    Democrats have a tough choice: either accept the old Bolshevik, or chose the corrupt, senile, doddering old fart.

  3. rodney stanton
    rodney stanton says:

    Ronny – from his grave – would be a much better President!

    Dems should bring back “Foxy Knoxy” Polk. His brain would be more alive than Joe’s!


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