Biden Unveils Vote-By-Telegram Proposal

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Joe Biden has unveiled his new proposal for Americans to cast their votes via telegram.

The confused, elderly candidate announced the plan in a speech today.

“Voting by the ol’ telegram is guaranteed to eliminate all kinds of malarkey,” Biden said. “I’d like to see the Russians try to hack the ol’ Western Union system. It’s unhackable, totally unhackable. When I was a young lad, we hooligans would hop on the ol’ party line and listen in to the neighborhood gossip, as was the custom at the time. But the telegraph, now that’s a safe system.”

Frantic aides tried to shut down the video feed, but Biden kept going.

“Heck, if I had it my way, we’d do it via Pony Express. We could ride the ballots through the night, through rain, sleet, and snow, outrunning bandits and Indians and all sorts of shenanigans. Ah, those were the days.”


Democratic States Deploy Greta Thunberg Drones To Lecture People Who Go Outside

Taco Bell Totally Unaffected By Meat Shortage

68% Say Lockdown Shouldn’t End Until All Diseases Are Eradicated And There Is No War, Hunger, Or Suffering

Breaking: Dangerous Fascist At Large At Michigan Capital And Also Some Peaceful Protesters With Guns

Nancy Pelosi Sits Down To Write Tonight’s ‘Jimmy Kimmel’ Script

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

0 replies

Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *