KENOSHA, WI—The aftermath of the riots are grim: dozens of fires were started, hundreds of buildings were burned down, and thousands of Trump voters were created over the past several days alone.
From out-of-control riots in Seattle and Wisconson to violence on the streets in Portland (or, as they call it, Wednesday), tons of property is being damaged, many are being harmed or killed, and, worst of all, new Trump voters are being created every minute.
“This isn’t looking good,” said one CNN analyst. “I mean, the buildings burning down and all the fires and property damage and violence are happening, and that’s fine, but all the Trump voters this is creating — that’s a real tragedy. We must do something to counteract the devastation this will cause in November.”
A study found that every burned-down building causes millions of dollars in property damage and creates up to 50 new Trump voters. A burned-out cop car can create up to 12 Trump supporters, while screaming at people in front of restaurants for not doing your salute can create over 100 Trump voters.
“May God have mercy on us all,” whispered the analyst.
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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.