Here Are The 7 Telltale Signs Your Newborn Baby Is A Racist

Have you or a loved one had a baby recently? We hate to say this, but you may have just brought a white supremacist into the world.

Don’t worry though– we’re here to help! It’s important to always look for clues of racist tendencies in your newborn so you can nip that in the bud! Here are the troubling 7 signs:

He’s white, which automatically makes him racist: If your newborn is white, then sorry– its game over. Your baby will be irredeemably racist forever. Sad.

Completely illiterate, just like most Nazis: What? Your newborn can’t read? Then he’s probably been radicalized by alt-right personalities on YouTube.

No hair, which is a common Neo-Nazi hairstyle: Is your baby a skinhead? Having no hair is a colossal red flag. If your newborn is bald, make him wear a wig until his hair grows in.

Enjoys bedtime stories written by notorious racist Dr. Seuss: Books by Dr. Seuss are a gateway drug to literally burning crosses in people’s front yards. Teach your child to burn those books instead.

Shows his white fragility by crying all the time: Crying is a sure sign of defensiveness and fear of honest conversations around race. Not good!

Refuses to say “black lives matter”: Seriously– what’s so hard about saying “black lives matter”? If instead, he says things like “goo goo ga ga”, this is even more troubling. The phrase “goo goo ga ga” has 10 letters in it. Do you know what else has 10 letters? “Heil Hitler.”

Shows colorblindness by playing with other kids regardless of race: Color blindness is racist. Minorities need their own separate spaces without white invaders. Decolonize your playtime, Mom and Dad!

If you remain vigilant, you may play a part in preventing another baby from becoming racist! Unless he’s white, of course.

NOT SATIRE: Are you looking for wholesome children’s books? Check out these Christian-based children’s books written by Dr. Izzo. They are the only Christian children’s board books made in the USA! Pick up a copy of God Spoke and Easter Bunny, Easter Bunny today!


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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

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