Every time something bad happens, we start thinking, “What was the real motivation here? Was this just a terrible tragedy, or was it really… [dramatic pause] … WHITE SUPREMACY?” The answer of course, is almost always white supremacy, but we still have to ask.
Here are nine disasters from history that were actually motivated by white supremacy:
1. The Ice Age – Evil white ice decided to dominate the globe, spreading its racist glaciers everywhere. Truly despicable.
2. The sinking of the Titanic – Just when we thought the white ice was defeated, white supremacy sunk the Titanic, killing 1,500 people.
3. That time the Starbucks barista got your order wrong – When you asked for skim milk and they gave you 2%, that was a clear example of white supremacy at work.
4. D-Day – Evil white men from America, Canada, Britain, and various other predominantly white countries attacked Germany, oppressively implying that their moral values weren’t as good as the white man’s.
5. The Eruption of Mount Vesuvius – A lot of people died, so probably white supremacy.
6. The Fukushima nuclear disaster – An anti-Asian hate crime motivated by white supremacy if ever we’ve seen one.
7. That game of Catan where your friend played as white and totally jacked Longest Road from you and hatefully colonized Catan, oppressing the natives and getting ten victory points before you. – Your orange colony of color was just minding its own business when your buddy ruthlessly oppressed you.
8. Thanos’s snap – Well, this one’s more purple supremacy, but still.
9. Anything bad that has ever happened – Finally, just to make sure we have all our bases covered, anything bad that has ever happened that we missed.
EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.