U.S.—With Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg proposing a national tax based on how many miles you drive in your car, budget-minded drivers will be able to activate new features in their cars that will warn them when they’re about to exceed their budgeted miles for the month.
“This is a great way to keep the poors from driving too much,” said Buttigieg. “Er- I mean… to ensure social justice and equity on the roads! Yeah!”
Experts predict the proposed tax will encourage the country bumpkins in rural areas to move to the city and become good, public transportation-using liberals.
“We don’t really know what those country folk are doing outside the city with all that driving,” said the Transportation Secretary. “Probably going to barn-raisings and corn shuckings and racist “Q” meetings and Bible studies. They don’t need all that. Bad for the environment.”
New mandates will require all cars to be equipped with Buttigieg’s special “mileage limit indicators” by 2022. Drivers will be able to insert cash or a credit card if they wish to keep driving.
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