Buttigieg Proposes Separate Highway Lanes For Each Race

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg has proposed a novel plan for promoting equality in our nation’s highways system, which literally has racism built into its DNA. His new plan promises to even things out for people of color by giving each race their own lane.

“Each race will be asked to stay in their lane,” Buttigieg said. “The fastest lanes, of course, will go to the most oppressed races, who can’t accomplish anything without the white man’s help.”

Lanes for persons of color will be luxurious wide lanes with no speed limits and no cops, since cops are racist. Lanes for white people will be packed with traffic and terribly maintained, so basically just what they are now in Democrat cities. In fact, Buttigieg says, any roads for white people that are currently in good condition will have cracks, potholes, and other imperfections added to them to ensure equality across the board.

“Everyone will have equal roads,” Buttigieg said. “But some are more equal than others — separate but equal.”

At publishing time, Buttigieg had confirmed there would be a special lane for the unvaccinated as well.

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