It’s every parent’s worst nightmare: your kid comes out as a libertarian. Don’t worry — we can help you nip it in the bud. You should be closely involved in your teen’s life to make sure he doesn’t suddenly start believing in freedom and personal responsibility. Make sure to constantly check for these 9 warning signs:
1. You walk into his room late at night and he frantically tries to hide the video he’s watching: Ron Paul’s Liberty Report. – Caught red-handed.
2. He asks for his allowance in Bitcoin. – Dogecoin can also be a red flag.
3. He screams, “AM I BEING DETAINED!?” when you ask him to come downstairs for dinner. – Also during detention, when you make him go to the grocery store with you, and pretty much anytime anyone asks him to do anything.
4. You check under his mattress and sure enough, he’s been hiding the worst thing imaginable: a copy of Basic Economics by Thomas Sowell. – Talk to your kids about Sowell before it’s too late.
5. While his schoolmates are shooting each other in Call of Duty, he’s plinking targets from 150 yards with his AR-15 – He’s only interested in the real thing.
6. You catch him texting girls “Taxation is theft.” – Always check your kids’ electronic devices so you can be alerted to these telltale signs of libertarianism.
7. He plays Grand Theft Auto but spends the whole time ranting about police violence against him for flying a military helicopter around Los Santos. – “I thought this was AMERICA.”
8. You get a call from school that he got thrown out of economics class again for arguing with his teacher about the unsustainability of the U.S. Dollar and the failure of Keynesian economics. – Trouble at school might mean he’s been radicalized by the Austrian school of economics. Not good!
9. He has no friends. – This is perhaps the surest sign of all.
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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.