U.S.—Scientists have discovered mounting evidence that critical race theory escaped from a lab in a college humanities department some decades ago. Originally thought to be a deranged conspiracy theory, the idea that CRT escaped from a liberal arts program is now accepted as mainstream consensus.
“While many believed the deadly CRT virus arose naturally out of centuries of systemic oppression, it now appears to have been manmade,” said Dr. Xander Willow of Hillsdale College. “It looks like some good-for-nothing liberal arts majors were messing around with some old law textbooks and experimenting with applying critical race theory to all of life. As we can see, their gain-of-racism research had terrible results.”
While researchers could not trace the virus all the way back to patient zero, scientific evidence indicates the first carrier of CRT was “almost certainly a white woman with purple hair who screamed a lot.” “Yeah, her name was probably Chloe or Claire. Or maybe Karen. It’s hard to tell based on the evidence we have, but genetics indicates this virus definitely evolved from a woman afflicted by white guilt.”
“Her actions in developing and releasing this virus on the population may prove to be deadlier than any other virus yet.”
To fight CRT, experts are recommending loving your neighbor no matter what their skin color is, seeing a person instead of a race, and reading your Bible. Also, hydroxychloroquine.
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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.