ATLANTA, GA—During a news report Wednesday, CNN anchors blamed the Cuban protests on “climate change,” saying the mass demonstrations against the communist government were likely due to global warming.
The cable news station told its dozens of viewers that global warming drove thousands of Cubans out of their homes, with the heat making them deliriously chant things like “Libertad!” and demand change from their socialist rulers. According to the station’s pundits, there’s “no way” protesters could be opposed to the love and compassion of a socialist government, leading them to conclude that the culprit here must be a rapidly warming globe caused by humans.
“It’s very tragic how climate change caused this terrible protest,” said CNN news reporter Ronald Mahogany, wincing at footage of Cubans holding the American flag and marching against their government. “We must demand action on climate from our government immediately if we want to stop further protests from taking place all over the globe. We’re just lucky this hasn’t happened in North Korea yet.”
“This all could have been prevented if we had just listened to Greta.”
At publishing time, CNN reporters had suggested an alternate theory, claiming that if it isn’t climate change, it must be Trump’s fault somehow.
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