Revamped ‘Trans Siberian Orchestra’ Makes Splash

Tampa, FL — The Florida-based rock band / touring company formerly known as “Trans-Siberian Orchestra” has suddenly become extremely hip and popular by simply dropping the dash from its name and replacing it with a space. The band typically plays concerts nation-wide only for the month of Christmas in gigantic stadium shows.

They’ve been touring since 1997, but have noticed lately that attendance has dropped off. Georgia Napolitano, whose official title in the band is “Lead singer #9 of 17” put it this way: “Christmas just isn’t as popular as it used to be. And people are bored with pyrotechnics and light shows I think. Seems like most of them are on their phones during the show. We needed to spruce things up – make it more modern, you know?”

That update came from two simple changes: they dropped the ‘dash’ from their name to become “Trans Siberian Orchestra” and a few costume changes to celebrate cross-dressing members of the Udege indigenous peoples of Russia.

The change – and the success – was immediate. TSO Co-producer Robert Krinkel (no relation to Kris Krinkel) gave the history “We had one media push about the changes, and it got picked up on the Facebook – which I don’t personally use. That’s what my people tell me happened. It suddenly was big news everywhere. Rolling Stone, MSNBC, CNN, LA Times – everywhere. Some group called GLAD [sic] or something gave us an award. They were all saying we came out of a closet and are brave and relevant now…? I dunno about any of that, but I do know we’re in the black again. Merry Christmas, me!”

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire column by Panem Et Circenses on The Peoples Cube is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

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