Here Are Some More Things Elon Musk Should Buy And Fix
With Elon Musk buying Twitter and committing to making it better, there has been much speculation about what he might purchase and restore next. The possibilities are endless!
Here are a few of our ideas for things Elon should buy and fix next:
Facebook: And bring back poking!
ESPN: Make it about sports again!
Apple Inc.: Then officially rename “pregnant man emoji” to “Bill Gates emoji.”
The show Firefly: And announce 12 new seasons.
US Congress: Just launch it into the sun.
Public schools: And make them stop grooming.
Zach Snyder’s Justice League: Reinsert Superman’s mustache!
Texas Roadhouse: Change the whole menu to just the rolls with honey cinnamon butter.
LeCroix: Add flavor
Your mom: And make her lose some weight.
Wordle: And make it impossible to share your score.
Chick-Fil-A: …And keep everything the same.
Spider-Man 3: Make the whole movie one extended goth Peter Parker dance scene.
BLM: Make them actually care about black lives.
Mitt Romney: Install testicles.
Amy Schumer: Make her stop.
Chrysler Motors: Bring back the PT Cruiser!
Pfizer: Maybe he can get the vaccines to work.
Frisbees: I throw them straight but they don’t go straight! Why do they keep curving?!
Our teenagers: No, seriously–do you want them?
Bill Gates: Install an empathy chip using Neuralink.
Democratic Party: Make them care about the people they serve rather than just obtaining power.
Republican Party: Make them care about the people they serve rather than just obtaining power.
Libertarian Party: Scrap for parts.
Amazon’s Lord of the Rings: Burn it to the ground and make everyone involved apologize to JRR Tolkien.
Babylon Bee: Make them come up with a third joke. Also, free Cybertrucks.
NOT SATIRE: Every day we’re witnessing yet another woke corporation weaponize their progressive values against Americans.
Imagine you could completely unsubscribe from woke corporatism. Imagine a world in which every single dollar you spend could go towards companies that share your values for life, liberty, and patriotism. Now with the PublicSq. app, you can. PublicSq. is an app and website that connects freedom-loving Americans to the community and companies that share their values.
They’ve just recently launched and are already the largest network of patriotic businesses and consumers in the nation.
To get started and shop your values, download the PublicSq. app from the App Store or Google Play, or click here!
RELATED POLITICAL SATIRE ARTICLES:
FBI Sternly Warns Mob At Justice Kavanaugh’s Home To Stay Away From School Board Member’s House Next Door
Female James Bond Ruins Car Chase Scenes By Stopping And Asking For Directions
Congress Votes On Bill To Legalize Clinton-Assisted Suicide
‘Pro-lifers Don’t Care About Babies After They’re Born’, Says Person Who Just Destroyed Free Pregnancy Resource Center
Disney Inflates ‘Dr. Strange’ Box Office Numbers By Including Ticket Sales From Other Universes
EDITORS NOTE: This political satire by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.
Leave a ReplyWant to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!