Here Are Some More Things Elon Musk Should Buy And Fix

With Elon Musk buying Twitter and committing to making it better, there has been much speculation about what he might purchase and restore next. The possibilities are endless!

Here are a few of our ideas for things Elon should buy and fix next:

Facebook: And bring back poking!

ESPN: Make it about sports again!

Apple Inc.: Then officially rename “pregnant man emoji” to “Bill Gates emoji.”

The show FireflyAnd announce 12 new seasons.

US Congress: Just launch it into the sun.

Public schools: And make them stop grooming.

Zach Snyder’s Justice League: Reinsert Superman’s mustache!

Texas Roadhouse: Change the whole menu to just the rolls with honey cinnamon butter.

LeCroix: Add flavor

Your mom: And make her lose some weight.

Wordle: And make it impossible to share your score.

Chick-Fil-A: …And keep everything the same.

Spider-Man 3: Make the whole movie one extended goth Peter Parker dance scene.

BLM: Make them actually care about black lives.

Mitt Romney: Install testicles.

Amy Schumer: Make her stop.

Chrysler Motors: Bring back the PT Cruiser!

Pfizer: Maybe he can get the vaccines to work.

Frisbees: I throw them straight but they don’t go straight! Why do they keep curving?!

Our teenagers: No, seriously–do you want them?

Bill Gates: Install an empathy chip using Neuralink.

Democratic Party: Make them care about the people they serve rather than just obtaining power.

Republican Party: Make them care about the people they serve rather than just obtaining power.

Libertarian Party: Scrap for parts.

Amazon’s Lord of the Rings: Burn it to the ground and make everyone involved apologize to JRR Tolkien.

Babylon Bee: Make them come up with a third joke. Also, free Cybertrucks.


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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

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