With Elon Musk buying Twitter and committing to making it better, there has been much speculation about what he might purchase and restore next. The possibilities are endless!
Here are a few of our ideas for things Elon should buy and fix next:
Facebook: And bring back poking!
ESPN: Make it about sports again!
Apple Inc.: Then officially rename “pregnant man emoji” to “Bill Gates emoji.”
The show Firefly: And announce 12 new seasons.
US Congress: Just launch it into the sun.
Public schools: And make them stop grooming.
Zach Snyder’s Justice League: Reinsert Superman’s mustache!
Texas Roadhouse: Change the whole menu to just the rolls with honey cinnamon butter.
LeCroix: Add flavor
Your mom: And make her lose some weight.
Wordle: And make it impossible to share your score.
Chick-Fil-A: …And keep everything the same.
Spider-Man 3: Make the whole movie one extended goth Peter Parker dance scene.
BLM: Make them actually care about black lives.
Mitt Romney: Install testicles.
Amy Schumer: Make her stop.
Chrysler Motors: Bring back the PT Cruiser!
Pfizer: Maybe he can get the vaccines to work.
Frisbees: I throw them straight but they don’t go straight! Why do they keep curving?!
Our teenagers: No, seriously–do you want them?
Bill Gates: Install an empathy chip using Neuralink.
Democratic Party: Make them care about the people they serve rather than just obtaining power.
Republican Party: Make them care about the people they serve rather than just obtaining power.
Libertarian Party: Scrap for parts.
Amazon’s Lord of the Rings: Burn it to the ground and make everyone involved apologize to JRR Tolkien.
Babylon Bee: Make them come up with a third joke. Also, free Cybertrucks.
NOT SATIRE: Every day we’re witnessing yet another woke corporation weaponize their progressive values against Americans.
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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.