CNN Rebrands To JAN6NN

ATLANTA, GA—Citing an objective poll of everyday Americans who work as CNN executives or Democrat tacticians, CNN has announced a strategic rebranding to JAN6NN, citing the vital significance of what occurred on that fateful day in 2021.

Following the rebrand to JAN6NN, all news coverage will focus solely on Jan 6, 2021, meaning no real change will occur.

“We feel this strategic rebrand better matches our company mission to be the most trusted name in news that helps the Democratic National Committee,” said JAN6NN brand advocate, Billstrom Spleeny, “Also, 516 days have passed since we ceased reporting on news unrelated to January 6, 2021, so…”

Media strategists praised JAN6NN’s rebrand as the most brilliant corporate news decision since the announcement of CNN+, and predicted JAN6NN would quickly double viewerships to 348 viewers.

At publishing time, Fox News announced its own strategic rebrand to “DeSantis News.”

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