Awe-Inspiring Facts You May Not Know About Trump

Some things about Donald Trump are common knowledge. For example, he’s everyone’s favorite President of the United States. Duh! But you may be surprised to find there are many things you still don’t know!

Here are some other awe-inspiring facts about your favorite president:

  • He said his first word at 6 weeks of age: The word was “tremendous.”
  • Scientists have determined his ruggedly handsome facial features and body type represent the ideal male form: Confirming what we already knew.
  • Mensa rejected him for being too smart: It was shattering the confidence of the other geniuses.
  • His Windsor knot is always geometrically perfect: As confirmed by hyper-sensitive laser measuring devices.
  • That’s not a gut, it’s just one huge ab: The largest ab, maybe ever.
  • He has read many, many books: All the books, really. He’s really good at books.
  • He has already visited Mars: But no one noticed since he’s the same color.
  • He drinks 32 cups of coffee before bed just to calm down: And 48 Diet Cokes to wake up in the morning.
  • God once allowed Trump to shield himself behind a rock as God’s glory passed by, but Trump went ahead and stared directly at it and it didn’t even hurt him: But it did leave his countenance permanently orange.
  • When Kim Jong-Un played his round of golf at 38 under par, Trump played with him and beat him by 12 strokes: He is the greatest golfer who ever lived.
  • His limo has a Taco Bell inside it: And a Pizza Hut.
  • Gordon Ramsey once referred to Trump’s way of eating steak (well done with ketchup) as “bloody delicious, spot on.”: And don’t get Ramsey started on the delicious Trump Tower Taco Bowl!
  • Every night when he goes to bed, he says a little prayer for you: He truly cares.
  • A childhood accident made him unable to tell a lie: Rumors say a rock fell on the part of his head that controls lying.
  • The Vatican is currently discussing granting Trump sainthood as the patron saint of winning: It’s about time.
  • His humility knows no bounds: An example to us all.
  • He might be your dad: Unless your Mom is Rosie O’Donnell.

Mattel Introduces Pregnant Ken Doll

To celebrate Pride Month, Mattel has released its first-ever pregnant man doll: Pregnant Ken! You can have all sorts of fun with the clearly MALE Ken doll and his pregnant belly! Available wherever non-gender-specific toys are sold.


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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

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