12 Red Flags That Will Prevent You From Buying A Firearm

In light of recent shootings, Congress is considering red flag laws they’ve secretly been wanting to pass for decades. This means that even though you have a right to bear arms guaranteed by the US Constitution, they can make exceptions based on a list of criteria they come up with—namely, red flags.

Here are twelve red flags that will prevent you from buying a firearm if congress has its way:

1) You are applying to purchase a firearm: Ew! You want to buy a gun? MAJOR red flag there.

2) You once shared a Babylon Bee article on Facebook: You’re probably on the no-fly list already.

3) You don’t support the current thing in your Twitter bio: YOU BIGOT.

4) You’re Joe Biden’s bicycle: Attempts on the President’s life will not be tolerated.

5) You’re a Vietnam vet just passing through town until the local police push you too far: They drew first blood!

6) You once called in a chopper with your 7-kill streak on Call Of Duty: You monster.

7) You think RoboCop is the good guy: He shoots literally everyone.

8) You think Jan 6 was bad but not anywhere close to 9/11: Some real insurrectionist vibes here.

9) You still drive a vehicle that runs on gasoline: People who murder the planet always move on to murdering humans.

10) You didn’t kneel and worship the pride flag when the trumpets played: It’s the furnace for you, friend.

11) You know Pi to 11 places but you only know the first 4 letters of LGBTQIA2S…: You’re clearly not compassionate enough to follow proper gun safety protocols.

12) You oppose red flag laws: This one is pretty obvious. Always support controversial government policy without question.


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EDITORS NOTE: This political satire by The Babylon Bee is republished with permission. ©All rights reserved.

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