As the People’s Cube turns 17 years old today, let us wish it success in denouncing and canceling enemies of world progress, luck in not being canceled in the process, and heroic compliance with government mandates that are only going to increase exponentially.
As everyone turning 17 should know, it is the exciting time when one must start being extra cautious about what one posts on social media. From now on, anything you say, post, film, and leave on a laptop that you forget to pick up from a repair shop in Delaware, can be used against you by people whose laptops haven’t been discovered yet.
It is also time you finally picked your gender, preferably different from the one assigned to you at birth, so that you can successfully sue your obstetrician of misgendering you 17 years ago and use that money to pay for college and start your adult life in style as defined for you by designated thought leaders.
That said, we would like to appeal to all of our members’ sense of progressivism, requesting a voluntary gender reassignment to any of the 72 genders as long as it’s not what you are currently known by. Voluntary compliance shall be strictly monitored.
Don’t worry about pronouns. We are already addressing one another as comrades, which is the best gender-neutral pronoun one can think of. Forget the confusing “they” or “them.” In the Glorious World of Next Tuesday, all gender-biased pronouns will be replaced with “comrade.”
Furthermore, your inner comrades must also undergo a corresponding inventory and gender reassignment. Those of you in possession of multiple inner comrades will be offered free consultations at the Karl Marx Treatment Center.
It is our hope that the Cube’s gender reveal party will be forthcoming!
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